dwelling in possibility

andalucy link

2009-08-27T09:49:00.000-07:00

Here's the link again to my new blog. I just put up my first Spain post!

rating books

2009-08-21T14:57:00.000-07:00

I love Shannon Hale's blog post today on rating books. I agree that summing up an entire book with one rating is lame. I love Goodreads for many reasons, but the 5-star rating system drives me crazy. For a while I was constantly and compulsively changing the ratings of my books. Then I realized that it was impossible for me to rate a book that way. I don't usually either like it or don't like it or really like it, or whatever. There is much, much more to it than that. And actually, whether I overall liked it or not is usually one of the least interesting things to say about a book anyway. I do sometimes read books that I have a strong negative reaction to, and like Shannon, I think that is interesting, too. That's not the end of the discussion, it's the beginning. Why am I having this reaction? What does that say about me? Especially if lots of other folks don't seem to have that reaction. Once I read the first book in a series and I thought it was a fun read. Then I read two more in the series and I suddenly didn't like the first. That can't be communicated with stars.

What do you think?

fort knox

2009-08-15T07:22:00.000-07:00

Thursday we went with Ave, JW, and family to Fort Knox State Park in Bucksport. They've built a new bridge with an observatory tower.

We've had perfect weather here in Maine since we arrived August 2nd. I think they were all joshing about it being a miserable, cold, wet summer. Yeah, right.

We had lots of sun in Minneapolis before we left. I was kinda looking forward to a little rain, and so far we've only had one magnificent downpour that lasted about two hours. I want more! Is that wrong?

mystery among the gravestones

2009-08-13T15:24:00.000-07:00

I love cemetaries. I have enjoyed visiting them since I was little. The other day Mum took us up to a cemetary in Sangerville that holds some of our departed. It's a secluded spot on a hill with lots of old stones. The earliest stone is from 1838, though there are probably older graves whose wooden markers have long since rotted.

We visted our family stones and then meandered about a bit. I took photos of stones with cool names. And then I discovered Fernando Fernandez. He was born in 1830 in Asturias, Spain! It looks like he married a Gilman, of which there are many in that area of Maine. But how in heavens did he get there? When I exclaimed over this, my kids were like, What's the big deal? There are people from all over the world here, right? Um, no. Not in Sangerville, Maine. In central Maine there are people of British, French, and Native American descent. There are a few Finnish folks up in Monson. Anything else is relatively unheard of. I want to know what Fernando Fernandez was doing in Sangerville.

young adult vs. young protagonist

2009-08-11T07:10:00.000-07:00

I intensely dislike the labels "young adult," "teen," and "juvenile" for books that happen to have older teen protagonists. I know that publishers must market books to their target audience, but can't libraries be above all that? Many of my favorite books are in the teen section of the library. I think many adults avoid that section and consequently, those books, because of the big old "teen" sign hanging over it. On the Goodreads site, I had labeled these books "YA," young adult. But why? What is a "young adult," anyway? In my mind, that's a pretty narrow category of folks. Like maybe just people in their early to mid- 20s. I wouldn't call a teenager a young adult. So, are these books meant only for people in their early to mid-20s? Of course not. A book labeled "young adult" could appeal to anyone from age 11 to 99. That label bugged me every time I visited Goodreads. So, I just changed it to "young protagonist." I am so much happier with this label. It makes no idiotic judgement about the age of the person who might read it. Rather, it merely makes a truthful statement about the age of the main character/s in the book. You might split hairs with me about who qualifies as "young." Probably that means under 20 in this context.

sistahs

2009-08-09T17:24:00.000-07:00

The other day Ave and I went to get a pedicure. The Asian guy who did my pedicure asked me, "You sistahs?" Yup, I said. "You oldah sistah. She youngah." Um, yeah. "She tallah. You shortah." Thanks, buddy. And you might as well point out that she got the naturally curly hair, too.Even wearing heels and stretching my spine, I still shortah. And sadly, my chest is not that perky (Remember--I oldah). It's... the angle?

made it

2009-08-04T07:17:00.001-07:00

We finally made it. We ended up leaving MN two and a half days later than we'd planned because it took that much longer than anticipated to leave the house ready for the renter. We left Friday at noon and he started moving in 4 hours later.

We got here Sunday afternoon just in time for LmX's birthday celebration. Check out the gorgeous pinyata handmade by LmX's dad!

It's rained the entire summer in Maine, but the weather has been perfect since we arrived. Yesterday we spent all afternoon at camp. The kids exhausted themselves and requested early bedtime. How great is that?

new email

2009-07-30T10:54:00.000-07:00

I'd kinda forgotten that when we end our comcast service tonight, that will be the end of my email address. My new address is at gmail. It's the same--my first name, middle initial, and last initial.

I should send an email to my contacts about this, but I don't have everyone I should in my contacts.

lake riley last night

2009-07-28T08:17:00.001-07:00

Lidia was at a friend's house, but the rest of us were on the lake with the Arbuckles. A welcome break from packing!

Gabacious gets some air.
"Alright, alright, you can take a picture of me, Mom."

J learning to wakeboard. That is one handsome man. Is he available?

The handsome little man. Marcus and Bernie knee boarded like pros.

who is that?

2009-07-24T15:07:00.000-07:00

Has it ever happened to you that you look at a picture of yourself and it just doesn't fit with how you see yourself? Your like, "Is that me? I thought I looked... different." It's not that you look awful (seen plenty of those) or wonderful (I treasure the few photos I have that make me look cuter than I am), you just look different. So does this look like me? Is that an expression I frequently wear? Just curious.

We have most of our possessions in the garage now. Yay! It was a very productive day. However, I feel sick about the enormous amount of stuff we have to throw out. Seriously. I believe we have thrown out more stuff than we are keeping. Isn't that wrong? Before you start on me, yes I did give away loads and loads of stuff. I took pains to not throw things away. I am environmentally aware, people. It just so happens that much of what we had tucked away here and there was JUNK. I hope this was a learning experience for me. I have vowed to never accumulate so much junk again. Or so many things that aren't junk, for that matter.

awesome mormons and one bad and one good

2009-07-22T12:06:00.000-07:00

Check out this link a friend sent me about an unusual (and yet so typically Mormon in their abnormality--they put the 'p' in 'peculiar') Mormon family in Denver. Great reading.

One bad thing and one good:

I totally took it for granted all those years (until roughly a year ago) that I was so slender I could waltz into any old department store and find me a pair of jeans. Even Gap, a skinny folk store. Alas, this is no longer the case. Will Spanish food make me skinny again because it's so fresh and additive free?

I found a perfume I absolutely love. First time ever. It's called Pure Grace. It smells like soap, or if you want to get fancy, "pure grace is the clean smell of soap and water, the memory of fresh air woven into a set of crisp, white cotton sheets, a cold deep breath on a snowy winter night, the best summer morning you have ever known, the one white t-shirt that feels better than all the rest." I'm going to covertly spray my kids with it. Even Marcus. Especially Marcus.

man oh man

2009-07-21T11:47:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow I am lining my kids' pockets with money and dropping them off at the mall for several hours. They will watch the new HP, get themselves some lunch, and then wander around until I see fit to pick them up. Can I tell you how excited I am to be in my house by myself for a few hours? Oh my gosh. I have great kids but they are getting weary of cranky mom and her upending of the house. We have one child who is particularly helpful (wrapping our Christmas ornaments in newspaper as I write this) and one who is driving me batty. Changes are very hard for this child and while I understand and even sympathize, I am also trying to deal with everyone's STUFF right now and I'm not especially nice.

Tomorrow! Yay!

chicago

2009-07-20T20:34:00.000-07:00

We went to Chicago a couple weeks ago to turn in our visa applications at the consulate. It was also the first time we used our new camera. And this is the first day I use the new laptop I'm taking to Spain. It will take getting used to. Am I becoming an old creature of habit?

i'm being so bad

2009-07-16T09:02:00.000-07:00

I should be packing and I'm not. Yesterday I packed almost all day and I thought I would die of exhaustion by 3 pm. As a sympathetic friend said, (who survived an international move last fall) it's not the putting things in boxes that it so tiring, it is the constant stream of decisions you must make for every single object in your entire house. Toss it? Take it? Store it? Give it away? Many people have offered to help but I don't know what they can help with. They can't be the ones to decide what to do with my stuff. And yet I'm getting worried that J and I won't be able to handle it on our own. We supposedly leave for Maine is less than two weeks.

My son's next-to-last seeded baseball team beat the number one team last night. He looooves baseball. He would play all day every day if he could. I'm sad that there will be no baseball for him in Spain!

And here's what I'm all-out crying about: Guthrie's 2009-2010 season.

more free stuff

2009-07-11T09:13:00.000-07:00

Solid maple dresser, needs to be refinished and missing some knobs. One drawer does not slide very smoothly, but that can probably be fixed.

We're taking these two lovely ladies to Spain, but the Christmas tree behind them is free to a good home. It's old, but we would still be using it if we were staying. It's VERY big. Probably 7' high or so, and large circumference at the base. The tree does look pretty good. People were still asking me if it was real last Christmas.

Also included: MANY strings of Christmas lights.

i should be packing but here's my procrastination post

2009-07-10T13:09:00.000-07:00

We found a renter and he seems perfect. Too perfect, in fact. Mama Ava and I were hoping to get back at my persnickety neighbors by finding someone loud and obnoxious. This guy is everything opposite. He wants to move in August 1st, so we're going great guns trying to get rid of our stuff. At least we're renting the house furnished, so we won't have to deal with much furniture. Anyone want an old computer hutch?
A king-size mattress?
A full-size bed?
A mini pool/air hockey/ping pong table? (It's small, like for 5-8 year olds.)

At the end of this month we're heading to Maine. We'll come back just a few days before our flight to Malaga.

I never posted about lunch with Mama Ava and Karen. So fun. What an idiot I was to not take photos! What's wrong with me? I should have at least got one of Frodo loving Karen. She picked him up and he snuggled right into her like he never ever wanted to leave.

I hosted my last book group meeting--Age of Innocence. The discussion was great! I've read it thrice now and I never saw Archer as a jerk. But now I'm considering him to at least have some jerk-like qualities after hearing him torn apart in our group. Who here thinks Archer would have been happy with Ellen if he'd married her instead of May?

I'm in denial that we are leaving behind so many awesome friends. I refuse to say good bye. I'm saying, "See you in Spain" since we have quite a few who are seriously considering coming to visit. Yay! So please don't be offended, Minnesota friends, when I don't say good bye. I don't think I can handle it.

We turned in our visa applications to the Spanish consulate in Chicago. We got to see a couple things while there--Sears Tower (did you know they changed the name to Willis Tower?!) and Millennium Park. Stay tuned for photos from our new Canon Rebel T1i! We love it!

happy fourth!

2009-07-04T05:58:00.000-07:00

happy birthday, little mister!

2009-06-28T05:30:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, Marcus's actual birthday, was way too busy to post this, but here's a belated birthday tribute to my favorite boy.

oh my gosh the british museum

2009-06-26T18:50:00.000-07:00

I never finished my museum series. Why do I continually forget to post about our trip? I do want to have a record of it.

J and I went to the British Museum. We only had a couple hours and we missed out on an entire floor--Africa, North America, and Mexico.

The British Museum is free. You just walk on in. It's unlike any other museum I've experienced in its accessibility. Everything is just there, much of it not roped off, not behind glass. There are hordes of people, of course, and they are all snapping pictures. I don't know about you, but in pretty much every museum I've ever been in, that's a big no-no. It took me a few minutes to get over my camera inhibitions, but then I started snapping away like every else.

The British Museum is controversial. They have many priceless artifacts from the ancient world (ah! the joys of Colonialism!), and some of those formerly-ancient countries want their stuff back. Greece has been especially insistent. The British Museum told them they didn't have adequate facilities for housing artifacts like the Elgin Marbles, so they built a new museum. The British Museum then came up with another reason they should hold on to the Greek's stuff: In Greece it would be enjoyed mainly by the Greeks, while in London the entire world can enjoy them! Funny coincidence, when I was in London in April I did happen to see the entire world. So they may have something there.

Whose side do you take? (You may want to read more than my silly, simplified synopsis of the issue.)

the mystery of the iced mccafe

2009-06-24T04:19:00.000-07:00

I'm not quite ready to switch to my other blog. It seems so abrupt. I'll let you know when I start posting over there.

Yesterday morning, I left the house at about 8:05 to run an errand. About 20 minutes later, J called. He was on his way to work, and he'd found an iced McCafe in his car, nearly finished. Also, some gum he keeps in the glove compartment had been taken out and left on the passenger seat. Yes, he had left his car unlocked and outside the garage. When he found the McCafe, there was still ice in it, but the ice was nearly melted by the time he got to work. It's been very hot here.

J's business partner suggested that someone in the neighborhood might know he has the car for sale (he has not advertised yet, but I did tell someone I know is looking for that same brand) and wanted to check out the inside. And then they might have forgot the McCafe when they left. The problem I see with that is, why wouldn't they have just told us they wanted to look at the inside of our car? Also, why would they have taken the gum out and left it on the passenger seat? It's not just one package of gum, but many packages in a bag, like you would get at Costco or something. J is positive he didn't leave it there.

Another scenario is a joke. Some neighbor was just having fun with us, like "Haha you left your car open so now I'm leaving this McCafe here and taking your gum out haha." But wouldn't they have said something later so we could laugh about it together? And wouldn't that be a little weird? And, as I have noted in a previous post, we don't have that kind of relationship with our neighbors. We do with friends who often walk by our house, but they are fellow Mormons, not likely to be drinking McCafe.

One J and I thought of last night is that someone was in our car, some McCafe drinker with bad intent. S/he rifled through our things, opening the glove compartment to check for valuables, when I opened the garage door to leave for the errand. Mr./Miss McCafe bolted, leaving behind the drink. Sadly, I think this is the most likely scenario. It's rather unnerving because it was not that early in the morning. It must have happened either right before or just after I left at 8:05 because there was still ice and it was already really hot out.

Isn't that creepy?

new beginnings

2009-06-21T15:59:00.000-07:00

I was going to wait awhile before making this announcement, but I'm just too excited about it!

I'm starting a new blog. I'm not deleting this one or anything. It will still be here. For a while I've wanted to start a new blog and I think moving to Spain presents a good opportunity to do so. Here it is. What do you think?

about my dad

2009-06-20T14:16:00.000-07:00

I have a soft-spoken father. I do not remember a single occasion of him ever raising his voice to me. He always encouraged and supported me in healthy, worthy pursuits, and never said a critical word. This is not what he experienced as a child, at least from one of his parents. That makes it even more impressive to me that he actively chose, on a daily basis, to be gentle, kind, and sensitive.

Thank you, Dad. I love you. We're all so glad you didn't drown in the cow poop.

"home"

2009-06-19T10:31:00.001-07:00

I wanted to comment on a previous post about place identity, but it got to long so I'm posting it.

I grew up in central Maine. I lived in the same farmhouse from the time I was born until I went to college. When I go back to visit my family, that's where we stay. Both sides of my family have lived in Maine for 250+ years. When I went to college in Utah, I took with me a very definite, fairly rigid sense of place connected to my identity. I was "the girl from Maine." My Freshman roommate and I were "the girls from Maine." (And because of my heritage and upbringing, I didn't even accord my roommate true Mainer status because her parents were from Utah.) At school I met a few people who were from military families and had moved all over. When asked where they were from, some would say the last place they lived before going to college. Some would say, "Nowhere, really." That answer always creeped me out. "You're from nowhere? What do you mean?!" I would reply, so very tactfully. I found it difficult to connect to such people, maybe because my place identity was so strong and theirs, non-existent.

I know that in Africa, many women who live in big cities make expensive, dangerous journeys back to their homelands to give birth. They do it because they want their children to be able to claim a place identity that has more honor and meaning than the fairly generic big city they have been forced to migrate to for survival. When I learned about that I was pregnant with Bernie and I kept telling J I'd made a terrible mistake in letting my children be born in Utah and Minnesota. Why hadn't I gone to Maine to have those babies? I asked myself. I told J I was going to have Bernie in Maine. But I didn't, of course.

I have sometimes felt that my identity was molded too permanently by my Maine upbringing, to the extent that I have never been able to consider Minneapolis my home. We've lived here fourteen years, which is about the same length of time as the years I remember living in Maine. I had three of my four children here. I no longer have a Maine accent. I like many things about Minneapolis better than Maine. And yet I don't think I could call this my home. When I go back to Maine, as much as certain things bug me there, it always feels like home. J says I have a New England soul.

For my children, Minnesota is home. They even sound like Minnesotans. I think Georgie will always say that she is from Minnesota no matter where she lives now. But the others? I don't know. What if they never come back here to live? That is a fairly good possibility. If we stay living overseas until they are all grown, I agree that it could be difficult for the younger three to really pin down where they are "from." But I don't know that that's a bad thing. Maybe when they are grown and have their own families, they will have an easier time than their mother feeling at home wherever they live.

I want to write about racial identity too, but that will have to wait for another post. I told Bernie I'd do a craft with her at 1 pm, and the hour has struck!

what else would you do in a downpour?

2009-06-18T06:43:00.000-07:00

keeping up english skills

2009-06-16T11:42:00.000-07:00

We get by with a little help from our friends. This photo has nothing to do with English skills. I just like it.

We sent the first month's rent and deposit to Spain. J is buying the airplane tickets right now. We already have someone interested in renting our house. Wow! Looks like this is really going to happen.

I know there are some homeschooler and teacher friends who read this blog. I need suggestions for good ways to build/maintain my children's English skills while we're in Spain. Any workbooks, guides, etc. that have worked well for you? Georgie is going into 9th grade, but the English class she was going to start this September looked like college stuff to me. Lidia is an advanced 6th grader. Marcus and Bernie are starting 4th and 2nd. I am not as concerned about having extra materials for the younger two because I think we'll focus mainly on reading in English.

why the devil chose new england for his work

2009-06-12T18:22:00.000-07:00

Isn't that the best title ever for a short story collection?

These stories by Jason Brown take place in rural central Maine in the fictionalized town of Vaughn. They remind me of Flannery O'Conner's stories in that the main characters are often the marginalized. The difference is that in Maine, the word "marginalized" describes most of the population. I identified very strongly with the inhabitants of Vaughn--sometimes too much for comfort.

I have tried to describe to people who ask and really care to know, how rural Maine is different from other places. I've never been able to explain to my satisfaction or theirs.

Now when people ask me about Maine, my Maine, I'm going to hand them this book. These stories say everything about growing up in small-town Maine I've never been able to say. I suppose I should qualify "everything." These stories reveal the psychological complexities that always fascinated me growing up there. There is a lot of darkness, violence, and evil. Thus, the title, I suppose. The devil certainly does his share of work in northern New England. These are not happy, feel-good stories, as you might have guessed by now. There is nothing graphic and the language is remarkably clean compared to how most Mainers talk. However, I found myself pausing at certain points to marvel at the astuteness of the writer's commentary on rural Maine's humanity. They are razor sharp observations.

What I found most remarkable is the tenderness in the portrayal of the very flawed, downright sinful characters. The depictions of the characters and their foibles are unfailingly truthful, but many writers can be truthful. The depictions are also compassionate, and that is what raises these stories above others of similar themes.

I finished the book a few days ago and I still can't stop thinking about these stories. They haunt me. I wish someone would read this book so that we could talk about it!

I found this interview of the author, and I appreciated what he said here: "As I grew into the project, I began to feel [...] that I was documenting a vanishing place, a place with its own specific history, vernacular language, architecture, customs, relationship to the land, etc. This place had been lost to me, because I had left to escape the confines and claustrophobia that exist in any isolated small community, but when I looked back (and went back) I realized that the great maw of progress, American culture, was gobbling up the place I had known. [...] I did begin to feel [...] that there was something tragic about the loss I was witnessing and experiencing because the cultural forces taking over the area of Maine where I had grown up (and so much of rural America and the world) was soulless, for lack of a better word—it had no connection to the place, didn’t care about the history or people. It was voracious in its appetite and unrelenting in its ability to forget."

what's going on

2009-06-11T05:09:00.000-07:00

You may have noticed (or not--that's ok) that things have been quiet around here lately. While the blog may have been quiet, my life has been quite the opposite.

We're moving to Spain. J will be working there, giving support to customers in Europe and North Africa. We are calling it a two-year stint at this point. We go late August. J was there recently and he found a house for us to rent, preregistered the kids for school, and made other arrangements so that we can apply for visas.

We could have chosen to live anywhere in Europe. We chose Spain for the language, relative affordability, climate, and general awesomeness. It was easy to choose Spain, but harder to choose a specific region. We finally settled on the Costa del Sol, a region of Andalusia that includes Malaga. While we are completely enchanted by northern Spain, there were four big negatives about it compared to the south: 1) Their public schools are usually in a language other than Spanish--Gallego, Basque, or Catalan. 2) There are fewer houses available for rent. 3) While it is incredibly beautiful in "Green Spain," it is also very, very rainy. 4) Their airports are not that great. The area near Malaga that we chose has excellent public schools, an enormous number of rental homes to choose from, sun all year, and a great airport.

We were planning to sell our house here. In fact, it was going to be listed today. For the past couple weeks I've been working non-stop preparing it to go on the market. However, we are now considering keeping it. It occurs to us that it may not be the best idea to sell when home prices are so low, and the possibility of interest rates going up soon is so high. We just started considering this option (to not sell) two days ago. I gave myself a day off yesterday, the kids first day of summer break. It felt so good to be idle! Today it's back to work. We may have a potential renter look at it this weekend.

So that's what's going on. It's hard to believe that after years of "moving madness" every February, it's really going to happen.

update

2009-06-03T17:32:00.000-07:00

Thank you for your commiseration and suggestions regarding the decomposing canine under my porch. (Doesn't that sound awful to say 'canine'? Like it's someone's Fido.) Thankfully, the stink was noticeably less pungent today. We'll probably just let it go at this point.

Aren't you all so glad that I apprise you of such goings-on? You don't have to thank me.

what to do?

2009-06-01T20:12:00.000-07:00

J is somewhere in Sweden. Northern Sweden. He says it is wildly beautiful, like Maine. I am here at home. With the kids. We ate out tonight because that's what we do when J is away. Oh, and make clam chowder, his least favorite. We did that Saturday.

So here's my problem. Yesterday it stunk when we went out on the porch. This morning it stunk in the entire backyard. This afternoon it stunk in the back and front yard. This evening I found the stink in my kitchen, which looks out on the porch.

There are flies. Those big, purply-green ones, buzzing about drunkenly and bumping themselves against my sliding-glass door.

If J were here, he would crawl under the porch and remove whatever is there. Yes, I married that kind of man. But alas, I do not have that kind of courage.

J will not be home until Saturday night.

transformation

2009-05-27T08:04:00.000-07:00

This morning:

"It took me two seconds to brush it!"

"It doesn't get pulled when I put on my backpack!"

Lidia decided to donate her long hair to Locks of Love. The photos don't really show how cute the new do is on her. It has so much movement--very bouncy and swingy.

why i go back

2009-05-24T13:50:00.000-07:00

[Kensington Chapel. Literally around the corner from my friend's house.]

There's a lot going on around here (mega amounts of end-of-school-year stuff), but maybe another reason I didn't get back to writing about what I think keeps people coming back to church is that I didn't feel I could add much to your great comments on the topic.

I was not very quiet about my particular church annoyance, at least in my home. My husband and my kids heard quite a bit about it. Georgie and Lidia are now at an age where they get it. And they agreed with me. (At least after hearing just my side of it. ;-)) Later I felt guilty. In our church we talk a lot about supporting our leaders by not "murmuring." After all, it's not like they went out campaigning for their jobs! It's not like they're getting paid. They are just doing their best to serve the Lord like everyone else, as Gabriela and others suggested in the comments. If I were in a leadership position (as I have been and will be again some day), I sure would appreciate support and understanding. I hope that my family understood that I was criticizing a way of thinking rather than a person. Maybe it doesn't matter. I felt guilty because I had demonstrated bad behavior to my children.

But then I thought, perhaps it wasn't such a bad thing to be open with them about this annoyance. They saw me get up this morning and get everyone ready for church. Georgie saw me teach her Sunday school class. They recently saw me accept a new calling for which I am very unqualified (Cub Scouts committee chair). I do want them to learn that in spite of our grievances and annoyances, we go to church. That's where we serve the Lord. That's where we make friends (not exclusively by any means, but it's a great place to do so). That's where we partake of the sacrament and renew our covenants. That's where we do our part to form a community that is faithful, hopeful, and charitable. And we are blessed for it.

live free or die

2009-05-21T06:37:00.000-07:00

(Please don't let this distract you from commenting on the previous post if you haven't yet!)

“I have heard, and I understand, the very real feelings of same-sex couples that a separate system is not an equal system. That a civil law that differentiates between their committed relationships and those of heterosexual couples undermines both their dignity and the legitimacy of their families.
“I have also heard, and I understand, the concerns of our citizens who have equally deep feelings and genuine religious beliefs about marriage. They fear that this legislation would interfere with the ability of religious groups to freely practice their faiths.
“Throughout history, our society’s views of civil rights have constantly evolved and expanded. New Hampshire’s great tradition has always been to come down on the side of individual liberties and protections.
“That is what I believe we must do today. "

~Governor John Lynch of New Hampshire

Governor Lynch proposed language in the same-sex marriage legislation that would protect religious liberty. He says he will veto any legislation that does not contain such language. Thank you, Governor Lynch, for your efforts to protect religious rights.

the gentle, thoughtful rant

2009-05-20T07:37:00.000-07:00

I recently encountered a mind set in our church that disturbed me. This is not a mentality that is exclusive to Mormons, and certainly not all or even most Mormons have this mind set. But I seem to run into it now and then and it bothers me wherever I find it, within or without the Church. I'm not going into the specifics of this situation because that wouldn't be appropriate. Anyway, the specifics do not bug me so much. It's the mind set behind this decision that was made, at whatever level it may have been made, that unsettles me.

It's all about safety. It's all about not offending people. It's about avoiding the potential to offend a few people at the cost of something that builds and strengthens many. It's about not trusting people to make good decisions and get along together.

It is eliminating all the risks and the benefits too.

It is the mind set behind the horribly dull playground equipment on school grounds across America.

Am I just a cantankerous New Englander lady? (I must admit another word came to mind in place of 'lady'?)

This is not something that makes me consider leaving the Church or anything, or even being "offended." But every now and then when something like this happens, I step back a little and take stock of my Church experience. It's a good time to recommit, but maybe with a little less emotional investment? Some lower expectations?

For some reason, close friends and family members have confided to me lately about trials they've gone through (I'm talking about big things at a completely different level from what I mention above) that have made them question either their testimony of the Church or their willingness to continue participating in it. I've listened to these stories and wondered if I could have made it through some of these trials without leaving the Church. It seems that everyone in our church has at least one time in their lives that they wonder, Is this the right place for me? Wonderful things happen and that's what I've always talked about on this blog. But a lot of other stuff does too, ranging from annoying to devastating. We are far from being a perfect people. We make mistakes, some of them BIG. And yet many of us persevere. We keep coming back for more. Is it that the great things always make up for the not-so-great? I suppose.

I have ideas about what makes people come back. But first, what do you think?

museums, continued

2009-05-18T06:17:00.000-07:00

I haven't written yet about seeing Oxford, but I will. After we saw Oxford we returned to London on the train. I called my friend who moved to London last summer (more on her later). She invited me to a private tour of the Picasso exhibit at the National Gallery that evening. Her friend's husband is a bigwig at the bank that sponsored the exhibit, so this lady organized a tour for her women's club. Since it was for a women's group, J couldn't go. However, he had some work to do that evening anyway. I was completely exhausted from running around Oxford all day and the blisters on my feet were causing me all kinds of trouble. But like I was going to pass this up!

It was not a large exhibit, but I loved how it was organized: thematically by room and then chronologically within each room. Some of the themes of the rooms were the traditional Spanish male, the female nude, still life, and the pensive woman. I had seen a few of the works at Barcelona's Picasso museum two years ago, like Picasso's take on Las Meninas. (It was so great to have just seen Las Meninas at the Prado!) My favorite of this exhibit was "Seated Musketeer with a Sword." Isn't it so ALivE? This one is part of a private collection. I learned something valuable from the lady who gave us the tour. She said that at any exhibit, look for the paintings that are part of a private collection because it is less likely you'll be able to see them again any time soon. Our guide was very passionate, knowledgeable, and engaging.

I was struck by the contrast between the nude women and the pensive women. Evidently, for Picasso, there were the women he slept with and then those he didn't. Nude vs. pensive, end of story.

It was SO awesome to be able to stroll around the exhibit without hordes of people! I totally felt like a VIP, or at the very least, the friend of a friend of the wife of a VIP.

My feet did ache and I could barely keep awake at restaurant we went to after the seeing the exhibit, but oh, how incredibly worth it!

the museums, part one

2009-05-16T17:13:00.000-07:00

I had some wonderful museum experiences in Madrid and London last month. I don't know a lot about art, but I know I love to look at it. My mom was an art major in college, and I always loved looking through her books. I didn't usually like to read the text that explained the works. I always preferred creating my own stories about them.

The weather was awful in Madrid for strolling around El Retiro park, so while J had a meeting one afternoon I spent four hours in the Prado. The museum has 9000 paintings in their permanent collection, and they can only display about 1/7 of them at any one time. One of my favorites, Portrait of Dona Amalia de Llano y Dotres, Countess of Vilches, is not out right now.

But here are a few other favs that I think I will never tire of:

The Garden of Earthly Delights by Hieronymus Boshch. It boggles my mind that he painted this around 1500. It is so weirdly wonderful!

The Annunciation by Fra Angelico. I love the colors, the starry ceiling of the portico, and the connecting of the two scenes, man's fall and redemption, with that beam of light. I only wish Mary looked a bit more joyful.

Las Meninas by Diego Velazquez. It's the best-known work in the museum, and some say the greatest painting ever. It struck me as enormous the first time I saw it. This time I gave my brain a work out puzzling over its complexity.

This is my second visit to the Prado. The first visit was all about, "Oh my gosh--there is THAT!" My mom had books on Goya and Velazquez, so it was like seeing old friends from my childhood, only much-improved versions. This time the awe was not so dumbifying, and I could actually form some ideas about the psychology of the portraits, for example. And since I'd already been there I knew where my favorites were and could give them more time.

In London J and I went together to the National Gallery. When Georgie was a baby I bought her a children's book about paintings, and we loved to look at it together. Now I know that they were all works from the National Gallery. What a wonderful surprise! There were probably twenty or so that I recognized from that children's book. Here are a few favorites:

A Young Woman Standing at a Virginal by Johannes Vermeer. Athena, I thought of you and your camera oscura.

The Adoration of the Kings by Jan Gossaert. The clothes. Especially, the red tights.

Belshazzar's Feast by Rembrandt.

The Ambassadors by Hans Holbein the Younger. I think this is my very favorite. I don't even know where to start. That curtain is my favorite color green. That fur-lined coat is to die for. I love the expression and attitude of these guys. They're like, "We are pretty much the most handsome, intelligent, and well-attired gents you'll come across any time soon. So just deal." I love the magic symbols on the floor. I love all their rich, smart dude paraphernalia. And most of all, I love that distorted skull in the foreground. Because everyone should have one of those in their portrait, right?

I have a good deal more to tell about London museums, including an amazing, exclusive opportunity I had there. But I will have to save it for another post.

the offender

2009-05-13T12:21:00.000-07:00

feeling better

2009-05-11T10:27:00.000-07:00

Thank you for your supportive comments on the last post. Thank you for saying that we are a great family and worth knowing. Because of how various neighbors react to us, I admit to having done the mental equivalent of sniffing at my armpit and breathing into my hand to smell my breath.

I think I was vulnerable to feeling bad about that stupid note because of other stressful things happening in my life right now. It is absolutely nothing to worry about--everyone is healthy and fine. I don't want to go into details about it because I don't think hashing it all out here will make me feel better. What I know will make me feel better is to follow the example of my great friend, June Russell, and count my blessings.

Here are a few in no particular order:

1. I just returned from a violin lesson with an awesome teacher. She is absolutely wonderful and I would drive miles to take lessons from her. However, we happen to have her living right here in our neighborhood! See, our neighbors are not all bad.

2. We were privileged to have my parents visiting for the past week and a half or so. It was a rare treat to take grandparents to see Bernie's dance recital and Georgie's school's production of Oliver! Georgie played in the pit orchestra--the string bass. (She was going to play cello, but there were already 2 other cellos and she thought they could use her better as a bassist, albeit a tiny one. She totally rocked it. She sounded almost as good as she looked. ;-))

3. My family is enjoying good health right now, both physically and spiritually. All of the kids are doing well in school.

4. The weather has been rather fine and will only get better.

5. I went to England and Spain! Including a few hours in the British Museum pictured above. (Maybe imperialism wasn't so bad?)

6. I read a book recently that was so beautifully written, and so incredibly funny. Has anyone read My Family and Other Animals? Oh my gosh. It's about this eccentric English family that moves to the Greek island of Corfu in the 60s. It's a memoir by naturalist George Durrell, part travelogue, part coming-of-age, part detailed description of the fauna of the island, all hilarious. My mom read it while she was here and loved it too. I'm passing it on to Georgie next. Just thinking about that book is making me happier.

7. I'm working on a writing project that I'm really excited about.

8. In my closet I have some bars of Amano chocolate.

9. My husband loves me.

10. He just came home for lunch.

taped to my door saturday morning

2009-05-11T05:03:00.000-07:00

To: The _______ Family
From: Nifty Neighbor [not her real name]

May 9, 2009

At 5:35 this morning [your dog] was outside barking for almost a minute straight. That may not seem long but for a non-dog owner, it is. I was woken up by the barking could not fall back asleep and missed out on 2 hours of sleep before having to get ready and be at work this morning.

The City of ____ does have a barking ordinance ("specifically, dogs are not allowed to bark more than 30 times in a 10 minute time period") but it does not offer a specific time bracket.

[Your dog's] barking early in the a.m. has disturbed our sleep on a number of occasions in the past. It is just now that I kindly request and suggest that maybe before 8:00 a.m. and after 10:00 p.m. either keep [your dog] inside or put a muzzle on him if he goes outside.

I do not feel this request is unreasonable as I make it on behalf of a few other neighbors, who have commented to me as well. Nor, do I intend this request as mean-spirited.

Thank you for your consideration.

I sent a note back apologizing and explained that our dog got let out early because Bernie was excited about her birthday, woke up early, and let him out of her room. I felt terrible when he ran down the street barking and resolved to only take him out on the leash from now on. I expressed surprise that they had been woken by our dog "on a number of occasions." Normally he's very good about going in and out quickly. He is an indoor dog. There are many dogs in our neighborhood, some of which are outdoor quite a bit and bark when anyone goes by. I have been woken up by dogs barking in the night or early morning, but I would never think to write a note about it.

Just for some background, these are the neighbors who asked us to cut down a tree on our property that was hanging over their driveway. We did so. The very next day they asked us if they could park their boat on our property as they had no room on theirs. Guess what was keeping them from putting the boat there? The tree they asked us to cut down. We said no.

These are also the neighbors who've had a couple kid birthday parties with kids outside screaming and playing until close to midnight. It would never have occurred to me to write a note.

They are the ones who park their car in front of our house in the summer because there's a shade tree there.

I know, I know. I shouldn't let it bug me. But something like this seems to happen about every six months. If not with these neighbors, with someone else. One family told our kids they could come skate in their ice rink. My girls went over one night when there were neighborhood kids skating, and the dad told them they couldn't skate because they weren't good enough skaters to play hockey. Once my kids went out to our backyard about 10 minutes to 7 on a summer morning. They had some project they wanted to check on. (I told them they could only go out if they were silent.) A neighbor's dog started barking at them. The neighbor told my kids to go inside because their presence was making her dog bark. There have been many other incidents.

Our Chinese neighbors right next door are wonderful. We help each other out. We admire each other. But they seem to be the only ones we get along with. I have to wonder if we're the problem, since everyone else seems to get along famously.

"A" you're adorable

2009-05-09T07:57:00.000-07:00

"B" you're so beautiful,
"C" you're a cutie full of charm.

"D" you're a darling,
and "E" you're exciting,

"F" you're a feather in my arms.
"G" you look good to me,

"H" you're so heavenly,

"I" you're the one I idolize.

"J" we're like Jack and Jill,

"K" you're so kissable,"

"L" is the love light in your eyes.

"M," "N," "O," "P," I could go on all day.

"Q," "R," "S," "T," alphabetically speaking, you're ok.

"U" make my life complete,

"V" means you're very sweet,

"W," "X," "Y," "Z."

It's fun to wander through

The alphabet with you,

To tell you what you mean to me.

Bernie turns seven today. Last night we went to her dance recital, and this is the song her class sang and danced to. It sure was adorable!

In the last photo you can see on her forehead evidence of her recent bicycle wipe-out.

sayonara, 80s mauve

2009-05-08T08:58:00.000-07:00

I obviously should have started the "before" shots earlier. Anyway, imagine an enormous mirror, with a large crack on the left side, taking up all of that space over the vanity. And those light sockets in the wall? Yes, there were two strips of light bulbs IN the mirror. The top of the vanity is mauve and the second photo shows my fil removing the matchy-poo border, which was brighter than it appears in this photo. This was one hip-to-be-square master bath in 1986!

And now for the after...

for all the mothers

2009-05-07T13:29:00.000-07:00

I stole this from Dave. Too funny to resist.

wise words from the gov

2009-05-06T12:57:00.000-07:00

"Just as the Maine Constitution demands that all people are treated equally under the law, it also guarantees that the ultimate political power in the state belongs to the people."

~Governor John Baldacci

alhambra

2009-05-06T06:09:00.000-07:00

Carlos V liked the Alhambra so much he plunked a big old Renaissance palace right down in the middle of it. Evidently the Palacio Nazaries wasn't good enough as a summer retreat. The elevated courtyard of Carlos V's palace is one of the most beautiful constructions of the Renaissance, but it's so at odds with the rest of the Alhambra, I'm sure it's under appreciated. Carlos's little summer place is on the right, and the Palacio Nazaries on the left. The Moors liked subtle, unassuming exteriors on their buildings to contain the inner sumptuousness. There are over 2 million visitors per year to the Palacio Nazaries. There are many more who would like to enter, but are turned away because tickets sell out.
view of Granada from the Alcazaba, a fort. The Alhambra was originally built for military purposes.

Tranquil waters inside the Palacio Nazaries.

Don't you want to run your fingers over this?

hall of two sisters

Door to Irv's rooms.

pleasant courtyard

Spirited, laughing water at Generalife gardens.

ronda

2009-05-03T05:05:00.000-07:00

On our way to Ronda, looking back at the coast.Ronda has the oldest bullfighting ring still used. This city was a favorite hang out of Earnest Hemingway and Orson Welles. After Welles died, his ashes were scattered in a bullring in Ronda.
Ronda is an ancient mountain city with stunning views.

The "new" bridge was started in 1751, finished in 1793. There are two other famous bridges: the Roman bridge and Old bridge.

Walking down to the Arab baths, dating from the 13th and 14 centuries.

Approaching Ronda, the landscape reminded me so much of the illustrations from one of my favorite children's book, "Ferdinand" by Munro Leaf. Lots of beautiful cork trees. But the trees don't have little corks hanging down in bunches like in the book. ;-) It turns out the illustrator, Robert Lawson, used a view of the city of Ronda in the illustration of Ferdinand being brought into Madrid on a cart! The Disney short based on the book has even more Ronda scenes.

we love you, june. we miss you already.

2009-04-29T10:18:00.000-07:00

I can't say anything else right now. Too upset.

white

2009-04-28T05:42:00.000-07:00

The white moutain villages of Andalucia are a must-see. And when they say white, they mean gleaming alabaster!

The first photo is of Ojen, and the others are of Frigiliana. I love the word "Frigiliana." Unfortunately, (or fortunately, depending on your sense of humor) that's a soft "g" in Spanish, sounds like an "h." We were with friends for a couple days in the Malaga area. We asked how they kept everything so white, and they said people paint their houses every spring. They also scrub the outside of the house and the sidewalk or street in front of their houses. Not only do they do this in the white villages, but in the cities and suburbs, too. I've heard that their houses are just as immaculate on the inside.

I adore the flowers that hang down the walls.

40 years ago today, edited

2009-04-26T11:20:00.000-07:00

[Edit: Posted another pic to show that G does smile now and then, even for photos. :-)]

J's parents were baptized into the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints 40 years ago today. They were eighteen and nineteen. J's mom had been dizzying her priest with questions about religion and she was unsatisfied with the answers. She and J's father were engaged, and they met with missionaries from the LDS church while they were supposedly out delivering wedding invitations (my mil's father was opposed to the Church at that time, so they couldn't see the missionaries at home). One week after their wedding, they were baptized.

Something I really appreciate about J's family is their tradition of miracles. They have innumerable stories about miracles, large and small, in their lives. They have great faith and they act on it. They are obedient. They live with gratitude, praise, and thanksgiving. Consequently, their lives are rich and abundant.

a food post

2009-04-26T03:46:00.000-07:00

We got home yesterday evening. I woke up bright and early (4:20) and decided to write a post. I sat here staring blankly at the screen for a few moments because I had no idea where to start. It was an amazing trip and I have 500 photos. Then I remembered that there were requests for food posts, so I guess I start with that.

The first three pictures show my favorite restaurant of the trip: El Tintero, or The Inkpot, in Malaga. It's not just the food, it's the experience. The first photo shows about 2/3 of this enormous place down on the beach. You go in and get a table. There are no menus. There are guys roving around the room with plates of seafood--just about every kind you can imagine and more. They shout at the top of their lungs what they have (very noisy!) and you take a plate of whatever appeals to you. We went with three other couples and we got many, many plates. We got to try a little of everything. The second two photos show a specialty of Malaga, grilled sardines. I love seafood, so this was absolute heaven. My mouth is watering excessively just remembering.

I have no other photos of other restaurant food we ate in Spain. We were eating with friends a lot, and I just didn't remember to take photos. And when I did remember the restaurants were too dark to get good images. The food was amazing. We had tapas and tapas and tapas. Paella (though it's better in Barcelona). Gazpacho. Delicious guisados, or thick stews of meat and vegetables. Oh! Get this. We were in Madrid for two days and one time we ate at this restaurant around the corner from our hotel. It was just a little place, but there were photos up of celebrities who'd eaten there, including one of Prince Felipe with the proprietor. There was one of Tom Cruise. J wondered what he'd been doing in that neck of the woods. I said, "Oh, it must have been back in his Penelope Cruz days." We laughed. When we got home J was looking at the GPS. "Look at this," he said. "The Church of Scientology of Spain is half a block from that restaurant." Mystery solved.

The pastries of Spain are to die for. Why don't we have these little pastry shops in the States like they do there? And why, oh why, do we not eat more pastry cream? Why, for example, do our cream horns have nasty whipped frosting in them instead of delightful pastry cream? It is a mystery.

The fruits and vegetables in southern Spain are large and nicely colored like the ones I find at the grocery store here. But there they are bursting with flavor.

hola from granada

2009-04-20T12:36:00.000-07:00

Wouldn't it be wonderful to see the places you've always dreamed of seeing all by yourself? (Or maybe with a few friends.) Today I saw the Alhambra. The Alhambra is the only remaining moorish palace in Iberia, and much of it is well preserved. It is the most visited historical site in Iberia. Hundreds of thousands of people pass through its gracious halls and courtyards every year. I wisely bought tickets weeks ago. Some people show up thinking they can buy tickets the same day, only to find them all sold out. Why is it so popular with the masses? Because of a 19th century New Yorker, Mr. Washington Irving, writer and romantic rhapsodizer. He "discovered" the Alhambra in the 1820s and fell so in love with it he stayed a few months in a couple of rooms there. It wasn't a hotel. It was actually something of a homeless shelter, as Irving describes it in his book, The Alhambra. In it, Irving gives a lively history of the place including many tales of local yore. He is even moved to write some tales of his own. This book became a popular read for romantics all over the world and they started flocking to the Alhambra. So even now, though 99.9 percent of the Alhambra visitors haven't read nor will ever read this book, they put the Alhambra at the top of their Spain itinerary. It's an inertia thing. The book is interesting reading, though I can never read a lot at once. Irving goes into these rapturous ecstasies that become a bit much. I love to have my own rapturous ecstasies, but I don't always want to read about other people's. Anyway, I had a lot of preconceived notions about the Alhambra after reading the book. Very high expectations.

It was just as beautiful as I expected. But. Yes, there are a few buts, actually. There were so many people! Supposedly, you are only allowed 30 minutes in the Palacio Nazaries, the best part, and there are all these tour groups, etc. It's impossible to get a decent picture. Also, I like to touch things. But you know, they said I couldn't run my fingertips over all that delicate plaster. That made me feel inhibited, so I didn't take off my clothes and roll in the flower beds or run through that long, rectangular fountain of shooting water. That darn book made me want to experience the Alhambra like Irving did and it just can't be done now a days because he wrote that darn book and made it too famous. Thanks, Irv!

Also. The patio of the lions did not have the lions! They are being "restored." The fountain they supported on their backs is there, but it's mostly covered up with tent. That was too bad.

I'll have to wait to post photos until I get home. I know you were all missing me terribly, so I decided to toss you this little crumb. Things have gone well. It finally stopped raining yesterday when we went to see Ronda, a stunning white village of Andalucia.

the hunt

2009-04-13T06:09:00.000-07:00

We've been in Mexico for Easter the past few years. It was fun to have a chance to participate in this Easter egg hunt at a park not far from here.

please watch

2009-04-12T13:22:00.001-07:00

on your mark, get set...

2009-04-11T13:02:00.000-07:00

what think thee

2009-04-10T13:58:00.000-07:00

Jesus, the very thought of thee

With sweetness fills my breast;

But sweeter far thy face to see

And in thy presence rest.

Nor voice can sing, nor heart can frame,

Nor can the mem’ry find

A sweeter sound than thy blest name,

O Savior of mankind!

Jesus, our only joy be thou,

As thou our prize wilt be;

Jesus, be thou our glory now,

And thru eternity.

paintings by Minerva Teichert

declining religious rights

2009-04-10T06:10:00.000-07:00

-- A Christian photographer was forced by the New Mexico Civil Rights Commission to pay $6,637 in attorney's costs after she refused to photograph a gay couple's commitment ceremony.
-- A psychologist in Georgia was fired after she declined for religious reasons to counsel a lesbian about her relationship.

-- Christian fertility doctors in California who refused to artificially inseminate a lesbian patient were barred by the state Supreme Court from invoking their religious beliefs in refusing treatment.

-- A Christian student group was not recognized at a University of California law school because it denies membership to anyone practicing sex outside of traditional marriage.

Read more here.

more inspiration

2009-04-09T12:04:00.000-07:00

I thought of some other things that inspire me and I want to jot them down here.

There are those stories of really heroic people that do mighty deeds. You read about them in the news and yes, those stories are very inspiring. But what impacts me more are the quiet, day-to-day acts of selflessness, loyalty, charity, dedication, etc. of those around me.

When we were in the Bahamas, Georgie made up a little cot from an easy chair and three cushy stools because she didn't want to share a bed with a sibling. The person who cleaned our room and made the beds brought some sheets in and made Georgie's cot up. The day we left, J came up and whispered to me, "Go look at Georgie's cot." I did and found a handmade thank-you note there for the lady who made up her cot.

Lidia started lessons with a new violin teacher last year. This teacher has her doing LOTS of scales. I noticed that Lidia was spending more than half her practice time doing scales. A couple times last year I tried to meddle. I stopped her halfway through the scales and told her she'd better move on to her pieces. Lidia said, "No, Mom. My teacher says that if I do these scales every day, then someday I'll be able to play anything." I backed off, and Lidia continued with the scales. The violin teacher has high standards and she really pushes Lidia in her lessons. She is not negative, but she's certainly never going to say, "Ok, that was nice," if it wasn't. If you play something badly, she says, "So, what did YOU think of that?" I know because that's what she says to me. :) Anyway, Lidia has been doing these (boring) scales daily now for over a year. She is very proficient. At her last lesson, her teacher stopped her while she was playing and told Lidia that she is her most dedicated student. She congratulated her on her practice, and said that it is paying off tremendously. I think I even saw some tears in the teacher's eyes!

So that is what inspires me. A teenager thinking of someone besides herself and taking the time to show gratitude. A little girl who does the boring stuff because she knows it will lead to excellence.

inspiration

2009-04-08T12:08:00.000-07:00

[Edit: Dang! I wrote this for Chocolate on My Cranium's Wordful Wednesday. Except, now I see that it wasn't supposed to be this Wedneday, but next rather. Oh well, I screwed up. Sorry, Monts.]

I love to read. I especially love to read novels. Ever since I was a kid, I've dreamed up plots and characters for my own novels--the ones I would write some day. However, I never wrote one. Why? Because it seemed too hard when I made small attempts. Also, once I became an adult, I tried reading a few novels written for adults rather than the classics I grew up reading. Some were okay, but nothing inspired me to want to make my own contribution. I decided the really great books were written by past generations, so I went back to the classics and stubbornly stayed there.

In July of 2006, I read a book that was on our book group list for that year. I was reluctant to start it, since it was modern juvenile fiction. However, I was surprised and delighted by Princess Academy by Shannon Hale. The entire time I was reading it, I thought, "I wish I'd written this book." I realized that great and inspiring books (at least according to my taste--I know everyone's different) were being written now, and I could find them in the Young Adult, Teen, or Juvenile fiction aisles at my library or bookstore. I found that the books that most sparked my imagination and desire to write were fantasy, adventure, and historical fiction/fantasy. Previously, my list of favorite authors was fairly small, limited to Jane Austen, Lucy Maud Montgomery, Charles Dickens, Booth Tarkington, the Bronte sisters, and a few others. I joyfully added new favorites like Eva Ibbotson, Joan Aiken, Neil Gaiman, Nancy Farmer, and Laini Taylor.

Not only was I inspired by these books, I was also inspired and encouraged by the authors who wrote them. From reading author blog posts about their experiences, I realized that writing a book took a tremendous amount of time, dedication, and hard work. I learned many useful tips about writing books and I realized that I could do it.

Last summer I came up with an idea for a historical fiction novel. I developed a plot outline, setting, and characters. I spent many, many hours researching the time and place--medieval Spain. However, when I started writing the book, I realized that I needed to do a lot more research, and it wasn't going to be easy to find what I needed. I lost momentum on that project because I became tired and frustrated with the research dead end. I'm still excited about the possibilities for that book, but I decided it was a bit much to tackle for my first.

About a month ago, a new book idea occurred to me. I am really excited about it. It's historical fiction/fantasy, but the setting is much closer in time and geography. The research is so much easier. Actually, I already have an idea for a sequel!

Reading Princess Academy reawakened my desire to write novels. And that new desire to create recreated me. I feel like an entirely different person. I am more aware of beauty and I find inspiration everywhere. Life is suddenly so much more compelling, riveting, moving.

Who needs drugs?

bewere

2009-04-08T12:01:00.001-07:00

Bernie is having a friend over this afternoon and Marcus told her they'd better stay out of his room. Naturally, Bernie had to say, "Oh, we will. We're only going to stick our feet in." Marcus felt compelled to come up with some signage that would deter sticking one's feet in. I don't know about you, but I'm terrified.

Additional Marcus: At a baptism two Saturdays ago, Marcus found an enormous strawberry amongst the refreshments. He wrapped it in a napkin and brought it home to show me. I was impressed. He pulled it out of the refrigerator yesterday to marvel at it, and I said, "Oooh! Throw that out. It's going to get mushy and moldy."

"That's the point," said Marcus.

life sucks in the bahamas

2009-04-06T15:36:00.000-07:00

Seriously, you don't ever want to go there. Here are some photos showing how rough we had it.

conch salad: mmmmm

2009-04-03T17:07:00.000-07:00

We are really enjoying the Bahamas. The time has flown! We only have one full day left.

I am not a beach resort fan, but it has been fun to see the kids enjoy themselves so much. How they love the water and sand! J took them snorkeling a couple days ago and all four loved it. Lidia and Georgie even got to see sharks. Bernie and Marcus were first in line to jump in with the sharks but they weren't allowed because they are too little to hold onto the rope for that long. My kids are nuts. Where do they get the daring streak from? J, of course. I think once, long ago, I may have been daring. But now I have to be the safety-minded parent. That's not a role J will ever assume.

Today we drove around the island a bit and passed the monument to Sir Harry Oakes. It was weird. I had forgotten that he lived here for many years and was actually murdered here in Nassau. Sir Harry was born and raised in my area of Maine and graduated from my high school. He lived a rather adventurous life after that until he struck gold in Canada and became very, very wealthy. To avoid taxes in Canada, he became a British citizen and moved to Nassau. He picked up the title for his charitable works in the England and the Bahamas. I passed Sir Harry's marble mausoleum in the cemetery every time I went to town as a kid. So the weirdness came of seeing something Sir Harry-related so far from Maine.

Conch salad is like ceviche, but made with conch (the little fishie inside the conch shell). I loooooove.

what influences me as a writer

2009-03-29T05:54:00.000-07:00

Amity tagged me. Check out her post--it looks like if you're a Mormon, consider yourself tagged. :) If not, you can steal the meme as it seems she did.

Here is one of my influences--more later after I get this Sunday school lesson prepared.

the ideal

2009-03-26T07:44:00.000-07:00

A long time ago a friend wrote about her dreams of "the ideal school" in a blog post. The day I read it I planned to post on my ideal school. But I didn't do it that day, and now I think it's been well over a year since then. Every once in a while, when I'm out walking or doing dishes, or what have you, I start dreaming my ideal school dream. It has amazed me how many forms this ideal has taken, based on what is important to me at the time. It scares me a little. Am I as fickle as all that?

I used to think I knew what the important things to know are. As my children grow older and develop their own opinions and relationships with knowledge, I feel that the best I can do, or anyone can do, is stand back and let them fly.

Children have a natural curiosity about the world. My ideal school for children from age four to eight would be one that helped satisfy that curiosity in as natural a way as possible. I loved the Montessori school Lidia and Marcus went to. Lidia wanted to learn multiplication, so they let her do it. There wasn't any of this, "That's not consistent with our desired outcomes for a four-year old." They let her fly. At that school, Lidia and Marcus learned to take responsibility for their own learning. They were encouraged to develop the skills they needed to do so: focus, precision, dedication, and respect. Fun was not forced upon them as an unnatural part of the day. The fun part was the learning. Is there any more valuable lesson to learn about education than that learning is fun?

In my ideal school for children ages four to eight, most science classes would take place outdoors. (Guess what? My ideal school is not located in Minnesota.) The children would be read to a lot from children's literature of the highest quality that would spark their interest in learning to read themselves. Children would be exposed to great literature, art, and music (why shouldn't we give our children our very best?) and encouraged to make their own relationships with these works.

By the time children are ten or eleven, they would be meeting with a teacher at the beginning of the week and at the end. At the beginning of the week they would set goals, and at the end of the week they would review what they'd accomplished. They would be encouraged to gain knowledge in a variety of subjects, but they would be responsible for setting their own course of study. Obviously, most ten-year olds plucked from our current public school system would not be capable of such a task. However, if they were brought up to it, they could absolutely gain the necessary skills. Children would be able to decide, usually, if they want to learn independently or in a group. However, they would sometimes be required to do one or the other, because though we all have a preference, we have to be able to do both.

Children would have guidance in setting long-and short-term goals. Teachers would serve as mentors and facilitators, sharing their educational passions and helping children learn to help themselves. The children would be completely free to set up their own schedules. However, they would be held accountable for achieving their goals every week. There would be no grades. There would be feedback from mentors and peers.

What Lidia dislikes the most about school is the wasted time. It's hard to go back to that after a year of doing a couple hours of school work every day, and then having the rest of the day to pursue other interests--both academic and otherwise. It bothers her that this year she spends many more hours doing "school," and yet accomplishes much less academically. She would like more time to read, cook, knit, garden, play violin, etc.

What would my ideal school look like? That's not the important part, but it's fun to imagine. The top two pictures were taken in the gardens of Pena in Sintra, Portugal. It is one of the most enchanting places I've ever visited. There are winding paths through luxurious foliage, little crumbling buildings of stone scattered here and there--including this little castle for ducks! I can't imagine a more ideal place for children. You have the feeling that anything can happen there. A garden like this one would be the perfect grounds for my ideal school. Children would be free to wander at will. The third picture is of Dartington Hall in South Devon, England. It used to house a progressive school that the writer Eva Ibottson attended back in the 30's. Don't you think that going to school in such a building would inspire a curiosity about the past? I'd like our school building to have an enormous media center, a good stage, and a dining hall where all the of the food would be prepared by the children. Other than that, lots of nice little nooks to curl up and read in.

mini rant

2009-03-24T12:08:00.000-07:00

Last week I was talking about stress, I don't even remember in what context. One of my children said, "I'm really stressed about the MCAs" (some standardized tests we take in our state).

"What?" I said, at first doubting I'd heard right. The child repeated what s/he'd said. This is a child who usually misses just one or two questions on this test, always passing with flying colors.

"I'm stressed about it. Because that test is so important."

I proceeded to assure the child that the MCAs are not important and that while s/he should put forth reasonable effort, it was not necessary in any way to feel stress about it.

I was surprised to hear this concern, especially from this child, but then I was not surprised in this day of No Child Left Behind. The tests are monumentally important to the schools. My children bring home fat packets of test questions from past years they must complete at home. I got a letter from my child's school reminding me of the importance of my child being in school on the test days (over four weeks from now) and that they get more than adequate rest and breakfast, etc. In one of my children's school, room parents must provide cut-up fruit, granola bars, and bottled water for the students on test days.

Why have we done this to our schools and our teachers? As mentioned in a previous post, I love our teachers. They are probably one of our country's finest assets. But we've made their job so much harder and, worse, drearier.

A friend of mine said, "I wish our schools cared about instilling a love of learning in our children." I've seen many teachers who, because of their contagious examples, do just that. However, the intention of our public school system is NOT to instill a love of learning in children. It is obsessed with "outcomes." The overriding goal is to match student "outcomes" (even the word bugs me) to state and national standards. It seems that many children in our country are not able to reach those standards, which is why we now have this focus on testing. We are, supposedly, holding schools accountable.

Schools should be accountable. But so should parents. No matter how wonderful the school, a child needs to WANT to do well to succeed. That comes, largely, from their family culture. Most children are not going to have what it takes to rise above a family culture that does not value learning. I have friends who are teachers in schools where the students come from families who do not, seemingly, value learning. "These kids do not come to school prepared to learn. They are just trying to survive," said one friend. How is an emphasis on testing going to help those children?

How is an emphasis on testing going to help my children, who like nothing better than learning?

so many books, so little time

2009-03-20T12:16:00.001-07:00

I'm in trouble. I have six books on my "currently reading" Goodreads list right now. And yes, I'm reading all of them, except one that I'm listening to on the school commute. I don't think I've ever done this before.

In the order that I started them:

Joseph Smith: Rough Stone Rolling. Nearly finished. I love how it puts Joseph Smith in the context of the times he lived in. I haven't finished it because I became completely fascinated with the information about the fairly widespread use of magic in the early 1800's. So that led me to...

Early Mormonism and the Magic Worldview. Exhaustively researched. And exhausting. This is a new edition in which the author, Michael Quinn, responds at length to criticism of the first edition. I've learned to skip those parts. Fascinating, though, is the information on folk magic of the time. This is probably not quite the right book for me because I'm not that interested in the Smith family's connection to folk magic. I need to find a book about how run-of-the-mill Christians of the time practiced folk magic. I look forward to more research! I'm 3/4 through.

Farm to Factory: Women's Letters, 1830-1860. This is about the New England mill girls. I've read 1/2.

Way too much non-fiction for my taste, so I started reading...

The Three Musketeers, highly recommended by Georgie and J. Entertaining and sly. 1/2 way done.

Tales of the Alhambra by Washington Irving. I'm going to southern Spain next month, and a friend told me this is a must-read. I love it! 19th century writers were so romantic and atmospheric. Very sensual.

The Dragonfly Pool, Eva Ibbotson. I just read a friend's negative review of this one on Goodreads and it threw me a bit. Lidia and I are really enjoying the audio version read by Patricia Conolly. It takes place in Europe at the start of WWII. It's about some students at a "progressive" boarding school in England who go to a folk dance festival, meet a crown prince, and help save him from the Nazis. Eva Ibbotson just turned 84. She based some of this book on her own experiences at Dartington School. One reason I love Ibbotson's writing is that her heroines always remind me of Lidia. Another is that Ibbotson reveres the natural world. That sense of wonder comes through in every book. I also thinks she's really funny in a quiet, sometimes sly way. [Edit: I think Lidia loves Ibbotson's books because of how empowered and independent the children are. They solve their own problems and seek their own adventures. And they do so with kindness, selflessness, and creativity. We are not quite to the end of Dragonfly Pool, but so far I like the theme of friendship triumphing over war.]

a rare bird

2009-03-19T08:45:00.000-07:00

J and I talked about this during the presidential race: why do blacks and hispanics identify so much with the Democratic party?

Shelby Steele, in this WSJ article, The GOP's Minority Deficit [Edit 2: this article is now only available for subscribers], makes sense on this issue. A few things he says reminded me of the hilarious Stuff White People Like. And I didn't know why I was making that connection at first. I think it's because he addresses bluntly what SWPL laughs at--white liberals' self-congratulation and condescension.

Steele says:

What drew me to conservatism years ago was the fact that it gave discipline a slightly higher status than virtue. This meant it could not be subverted by passing notions of the good. It could be above moral vanity. And so it made no special promises to me as a minority. It neglected me in every way except as a human being who wanted freedom. Until my encounter with conservatism I had only known the racial determinism of segregation on the one hand and of white liberalism on the other -- two varieties of white supremacy in which I could only be dependent and inferior.

The appeal of conservatism is the mutuality it asserts between individual and political freedom, its beautiful idea of a free man in a free society. And it offers minorities the one thing they can never get from liberalism: human rather than racial dignity. I always secretly loved Malcolm X more than Martin Luther King Jr. because Malcolm wanted a fuller human dignity for blacks -- one independent of white moral wrestling. In a liberalism that wants to redeem the nation of its past, minorities can only be ciphers in white struggles of conscience.

teachers

2009-03-18T09:38:00.000-07:00

A few days ago I decided I wanted to write a teacher appreciation blog post and today I finally have a chance to do it. But Mama Ava beat me to it, and her post is much better than mine would have been. [Edit: Had to laugh when I re-read this last sentence. It suggests that I decided against writing the teacher appreciation post. What is this, then?]

The gospel of Jesus Christ and a family that loves me in spite of my faults, I suppose, would be highest on my gratitude list. After that? My children's teachers. I can't believe how many wonderful teachers we've been blessed with. I mean, really amazing. Within two blocks of my house we have a violin teacher and a piano teacher. The violin teacher is young, passionate, enthusiastic, and energetic. The piano teacher is a sweet, elderly lady who possesses an uncanny knack for inspiring a love for piano in a squirrelly eight-year-old boy. Both of these teachers are committed to excellence.

I thank God for the day I signed Lidia up for Irish step dance classes, because that was the day Fauna came into our lives. All of us are a little in awe of Fauna and how she uses her many gifts to bless our lives. It is rare to find that much professionalism in anyone, say nothing about one so young.

My children like to go to primary and Sunday school. That says a great deal about the preparation of their dedicated teachers, all volunteers. I've already posted on this blog about the enormous influence the Young Women's program teachers and leaders have had on Georgie.

And on top of all that, my children have had many outstanding public school teachers. When my eldest started school, she had three incredible teachers in a row for kinder, first, and second. I thought to myself, "Wow! Do we deserve this? This is just so--unusual." But then the same happened for Lidia. I soon realized that, at least in the places we've lived, "exceptional" teachers are the rule. They have been different in their gifts. Some have been obviously highly intelligent. Some seem to have this sense for what a child needs to make rapid progress. Some are very organized. Some are funny and theatrical. Some connect very well emotionally. Most have a combination of these characteristics, but every single one has shown how dedicated they are to helping my child progress.

When I hear things like, "those who can't do, teach," it makes me sick.

Obama has come out in support of merit pay for teachers. What do you think about that? I don't think it is a bad idea in theory. However, what I'd like to know is, who is going to decide which teachers are deserving of merit pay? Would only the suck-ups end up getting it? And what happens in a school district like mine, where there are SO MANY great teachers?

why mormons build temples

2009-03-16T12:33:00.000-07:00

Here we go with two "religious" posts in a row. Hope I still have readers left after this. ;-)

For every person who stands outside our temples screaming racial slurs at the black members walking in, for every tv writer, director, or producer who publicly mocks and misrepresents our sacred ordinances, there are people like the two Harvard professors, not members of our Faith, in this video.

meetin' clothes

2009-03-16T08:51:00.000-07:00

There was a discussion this morning on NPR about the huge increase in "nones" in this country--people who don't affiliate themselves with any religion. Maybe you've heard about this new survey that suggests that Americans are turning away from organized religion, and perhaps faith in God.

I only heard a few minutes of the program. I hope to catch the podcast later today. But I did hear one caller, a man who does not attend church, say words to this effect: "When I was growing up going to church was a special event of the week. Men and boys wore suit and ties, women and girls wore dresses. Now people show up wearing any old thing and it has taken a lot away from the experience. There used to be choirs and now it's just canned music. It's become tacky. It doesn't seem special anymore."

I have heard people of various faiths express this same opinion. I think it's inconceivable for most people of my religion, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, to imagine showing up at church in jeans and t-shirts. We wear I suppose what would be categorized as traditional semi-formal. Dresses or skirts for women, suits for men (or at least dress pants and shirt w/tie). Hearing the comment this morning on the radio show made me feel a greater appreciation for that. Church is special. It is where we go to experience the sacred, and outward preparations, though they are not necessarily reflective of inward reverence, do help us get into that mindset. Perfect evidence of this is in the above photo. It was taken on a Sunday morning years ago. Bernie is two. She knows she's being encouraged to do something (we were trying to get her to smile), but she's not sure what. She sees that everyone's got on Sunday duds, so she folds her arms in case what she's supposed to do is pray!

When I sit in sacrament meeting Sunday mornings, it's nice to look around and see that most of us took a little care somewhere between rolling out of bed and entering the chapel.

I love to participate in the music at our meetings. Sure, there are some hymns I greatly prefer to others. We happen to be in a ward right now that has a lot of musical talent, and I know that isn't the case in all congregations of the Church. But I think all of our music contributes to the feeling of reverence and sacredness. Georgie and Lidia played at our sacrament meeting Sunday and it was lovely.

10 things that make me smile

2009-03-13T10:18:00.001-07:00

I got about three hours of sleep last night due to an uncomfortable head cold. (Not that it even takes that much for me to not sleep.) Lidia is in the midst of her dance school's St. Pat's tour. They are doing ten days of shows around the Twin Cities, and Lidia is scheduled for four of those days. Early this morning we set off for a high school show in St. Paul. Before the show started, I went to see how Lidia was doing, as she hasn't felt well for the past three days. We thought it was finally over this morning, but I found her backstage slumped over a little table. When she looked up, her eyes kept rolling back like she was going to faint. The Tylenol Cold hadn't done much for her fever. She was able to rally for one dance number, but we had to bow out of the rest of today's shows. It's a serious bummer. They spend a LOT of time preparing for these shows, and she was so excited. I did get some video of her dancing Monday. I tried to upload it to my computer but no luck. I'll try J's computer later.

I just tried to take a nap but couldn't. So instead I'm going to jot down 10 Things That Make Me Smile. I could use a smile right now.

1. Looking at my children's baby pics. I don't know how we did it. I think J and I were so-so cute as babies. But my babies? Off the charts.

2. Reading Ave's blog. My Mom used to say Ave and I were Sense and Sensibility. I guess it's not so bad being the older, responsible, boring sister when you have a hilarious counterpart to make you smile.

3. Hanging out with my brothers, Link and Dtv. These photos are the only evidence I need.

4. Watching Seinfeld while I make dinner. It comes on at 6 pm and sometimes I put off making dinner until then just so I can watch it.

5. Galaktoboureko. Just the thought of it.

6. Marcus's laugh. This little guy hasn't lost the spontaneous belly laugh of babyhood. When he laughs, the world is suddenly delightful again.

7. Turning the heat up and looking at pictures of warm places. (seasonal)

8. Screwball comedies: The More the Merrier, It Happened One Night, The Awful Truth, Bringing Up Baby (see video--although it's funnier in the movie because there's this build up...).

9. J's open-mouthed grin w/ eye squint. I can't explain it. It just makes me smile every time.

10. Renewal.

where's the "love"?

2009-03-12T09:17:00.000-07:00

I wasn't going to post about this because it's just so stupid and I didn't want to give it more attention.

If you are a member of the Church of Jesus Christ, you may have received one of those forwarded emails about an upcoming Big Love episode. I don't know much about this show, but seems it's about polygamous folks in Utah. The show has ruffled feathers in our flock because it blurs the distinction between the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, a worldwide church of over 13 million, and the bizarre polygamous splinter groups (about whom I know little and care less) who live out there in the western United States.

An upcoming episode of this HBO show depicts our sacred temple rites. The show hired an ex-Mormon to help them get everything "right." Why ex-Mormon? Because practicing members of our faith hold these rites sacred, and would consider it a desecration to mock it on cable TV.

Naturally, this is colossally bad taste on HBO's part. But really, it's not like the people who dictate our television entertainment have set themselves up as the guardians of all that is wholesome and goodly. What do we expect? These forwarded emails (NOT from Church headquarters--more on that presently) call upon us to cancel our subscriptions to HBO.

That I know of, I have never had a subscription to HBO. I believe we had that channel briefly for a trial period or something, back when we had cable long ago.

A couple years ago I was flipping through channels and I came across... something. I realized it was one of those reality shows. A contest. There was this guy, handsome and successful, and a large group of women. After watching pieces of this show here and there, I found that the point was for the guy (abominably conceited) to whittle down the group of women until he found "the one." This show offended me on so many levels, I can not even think about it now without foaming a bit at the mouth. Yes, I know that "The Bachelor" is a wildly popular show. I would never watch it because when stupid, pathetic people are making fools of themselves, I prefer to avert my eyes.

And that brings me to the reason I am posting about this idiotic Big Love show in the first place. I LOVED our Church's response to the whole sordid mess. Rather than urging Church members of cancel memberships or send emails, we are encouraged to avert our eyes. We are not some podunk group of weirdos. As the Church response notes, what others say of us speaks volumes about who THEY are, not so much who we are. We go along our happy way, and let others wallow in their own sick tastes, if that is what they choose to do.

just say no to daylight savings

2009-03-10T07:33:00.000-07:00

I honor Benjamin Franklin as a wise moderate and founding father of our country. But I curse him every spring. Daylight savings really messes me up. It never fails to provoke a terrible insomnia bout lasting at least a week, usually more.

If it does help us to conserve energy than I suppose that is a good thing, right? Yeah, okay. But that doesn't mean I have to like it.

history through literature

2009-03-08T15:06:00.000-07:00

Just read this thought-provoking post by Mama Ava, talking about how some people would rather not discuss distasteful history anymore in the classroom. You know, that darn history will insist on being SO un-pc!

Mama Ava says, "I have learned more, felt more, and grown more from these men [Boo Radley, Atticus Finch, Tom Robinson, Huck Finn, etc.] than I have from any history textbook."

Amen. When we first started homeschooling Georgie, we used a curriculum that thoroughly integrated literature and history. Georgie was always reading books that were set in the time and place she was studying in history. It was wonderful! I learned a lot, and I realized that like Mama Ava, the really important things in history, the things that I've puzzled over, cried about, and remembered, I've learned through literature. Quoting Mama Ava again, "We are all of us shaped by our past, even if it's a past that we don't feel like we can 'relate' to anymore. That's where literature comes in. I can read about any event in history and learn all about it. The only way I can even begin to emphathize or get any glimpse into what it was really like is through the arts, and that's literature for me. It's those words, those images, that we are so fortuneate to have received, that show us what those historical events mean, what they did to people."

Last year Lidia read Roll of Thunder, Hear My Cry for her homeschool studies, which also integrated literature and history. It was a very disturbing read for her and at times I thought it might be a little beyond her maturity level. However, she later said it was the best book she read for school that year.

Lidia pointed out to me a few days ago that every single book on CD we've listened to this year on our school commute has been historical fiction. We've been in 8th century England and Scandanavia, WWII England, Commonwealth London, Victorian London, and now Victorian New York. (We HAD to get out of England!)

I wonder why history is not taught through literature to a greater extent in our schools. Any thoughts?

i, coriander on audio

2009-03-07T10:23:00.001-08:00

I grabbed this on CD at the library not having heard anything about it, which is unusual for me. Lidia loved it. I am less enthusiastic.

It led to a wonderful discovery, however: Juliet Stevenson as an audio book narrator. I love her work as an actress, and she is an incredibly gifted reader. Wow! The best I've heard, I believe. I see that she's narrated a lot of Jane Austen and Elizabeth Gaskill, so I'm definitely picking those up.

The setting for this book is the Puritan Commonwealth, which sparked my interest since I'd just learned a bit about that period of British history. There is a fantasy world too, and fantasy mixed with historical fiction is my favorite combination.

Sally Gardner writes gorgeous sentences. There is an author interview at the end of the CD and the interviewer mentioned that Juliet Stevenson said the sentences rolled right off the tongue and she thought the author must have read her work aloud while writing it. Sally Gardner replied that she did read her work aloud because she wanted the sentences to be smooth and flowing. It also comes out that Gardner had some theater and illustration experience. I can see how both positively influenced this work.

The characterization is very well done. All of the characters came alive to me. Even the less prominent characters were obviously written with great attention to detail. And there is amazing sensory appeal. I could see, smell, and hear 17th century London. It is obvious that the setting was meticulously researched.

There were a couple things, however, that didn't work for me. A major character makes several decisions that I found inconsistent and simply implausible. There was a reason given for these unlikely decisions, but I didn't buy it. There was also something else I found disturbing and uncomfortable, and after I heard the author interview, I said, "Ah-ha!" The religious people in this book are portrayed as very, very evil. Abominably so. And one gets the impression it is because they are religious that they are so wicked. Well, during the author interview Sally Gardner was asked about religion, and she said that she thought it was vital that people realize that organized religion has always been used to suppress and control people. I would like to hear the interview again so I could quote it verbatim, but that was the gist.

Organized religion has been used for terrible reasons. However, for many it has been a wellspring of joy, freedom, knowledge, and imagination. In two of Nancy Farmer's books, The Sea of Trolls and The Land of the Silver Apples, the author presents that fascinating dichotomy. There are characters who believe exclusively in folk magic, and others exclusively in religion. The main character sees good in both. There are both Christians and "pagans" who are good, and others who are evil. In contrast, Sally Gardner presents the much narrower view that organized religion is necessarily constricting and negative.

whoooop

2009-03-04T18:45:00.000-08:00

I wrote 1107 words today. Do I deserve a bowl of ice cream?

Actually, J does. He took all of the kids to church tonight, leaving me with free writing time. I was able to write nearly 700 words in the last two hours.

This is a very rough draft and I would never show it to anyone in its current form. But it's happening, folks!

Yesssah!

got wigs?

2009-03-03T08:59:00.000-08:00

miscellaneous

2009-03-03T07:45:00.000-08:00

Sometimes so much happens. I sit down to blog about it and I don't know where to start.

Georgie had a great time at the Rubik's cube tournament. It sounds like she met some very interesting people! J says that he, Marcus, and Bernie enjoyed themselves, too. G's cube fell apart on every attempt, which I guess is fairly common. Her lowest time was 49:44, which is normally her average. Other times were over one minute, but again, that's with the cube falling apart! She says she can't wait for next year's tournament.

Lidia did very well at the feis, placing in four out of five dances. In a couple of her dances she now competes against girls who have qualified for Nationals and even Worlds.

I've been doing a lot of writing lately and it's going so well! I love it! I hope to keep it up this time, though it's a little scary to realize that making writing an everyday priority means giving up other things. Like blogging, to some extent.

J has been exercising every day now for months. I do not dislike his abs of steel. He also has a lot going on at work. I haven't seen him this busy since he started the original company six years ago. Some of his customers are finally starting to pay, months overdue. That is a relief. Also, there is this incredibly major thing that just happened that I'm not even sure how to explain, as I have never mentioned it on this blog.

J's company competes with just two other companies for customers worldwide. When J and his partners acquired this company two years ago, things were a bit of a mess because its existing customers had been neglected for a while, and they weren't happy. Unfortunately, J soon found out that an Australian customer with an enormous contract had decided to switch to one of J's competitors. This was devastating. J and his partner tried to save it, but seemingly to no avail. Well. Then the project was delayed. J and his partner persisted in trying to get back into the running for this contract. Many resources were used in trying to retrieve this business--trips to Australia, changes to the product, etc. The Australian customer kept opening the door a crack for them, and then closing it in their faces. For leverage to use in driving down the price of J's competitor, who had supposedly been awarded this contract? Who knows. This has been going on for two years. About six months ago, things started to look more favorable for J's chances. But it kept teeter-tottering between his company and the competition's. They were going to decide in December. And then January. Three weeks ago, they heard news that made them rejoice. Australia wanted them there immediately for some training on the product. J's partner and the software engineer went. We all assumed it a done deal. Yay! And then a week and a half ago they found out that no, it was still up in the air. There were some things the customer preferred in the competitor. Boo! J told me that at lunch time. Just a few hours later he got news that yes, his company had been awarded the business.

I should have been jumping for joy, right? It was oddly anticlimactic. For one thing, I was in one of those I-am-the-only-one-who-ever-picks-up-around-here moods when he told me. Also, I think by that time I was emotionally spent on the whole thing. There had been too many highs and lows. I felt like protecting myself against further disappointment. "I'll believe it when you get the PO," I said. I do feel bad that I can't work up more enthusiasm. This contract insures J's company against a bad year, no matter what happens with the economy. This can totally carry them through. And yet, I'm still skittish. Notice that I said, "This can totally carry" rather than "will totally carry?" What's wrong with me? Why can't I be thrilled?

full size

2009-02-27T07:25:00.000-08:00

We got Georgie a full-size cello for her birthday (yay for growing!). Her birthday is Sunday but I wanted her to open it last night.

Georgie's orchestra won the Middle Levels Orchestra Festival! They competed against over 50 other orchestras, and they were one of the six that received a "superior" rating. Minutes before her orchestra was to play for the judges, one of Georgie's strings popped. Then, to the amazement of Georgie and all her friends, her peg snapped of spontaneously and flew across the room! It must have got cracked on the way.

Georgie was able to borrow a cello from another orchestra, but it was full size, and she'd never played a full size (hers was 3/4). So, she played a full-size cello for the first time on stage in front of judges. And on top of that, Georgie had a fever and so did 10 or so other members of her orchestra. The drama!

Georgie's fingers are still a bit small for a full-size cello, but we decided it's time to move up.

She would not smile for me in these photos because she wanted to go back downstairs to practice.

Georgie has a Rubik's cube competition Saturday.

Lidia and I leave in a few minutes for a feis in Wisconsin.

ciao!

mormon hipsters

2009-02-26T08:14:00.000-08:00

Meet my latest awesome blog discoveries:

the rockstar diaries, love josh and naomi. These two live in Harlem. He's a Columbia grad and she, Julliard. It is impossible to be cooler than they. Don't even TRY.

"Mormon in Manhattan's" (No) Sex and the City. The adventures of single Mormon girl and actress Natalie Hill, living and working in NYC. Who's Carrie Bradshaw?

a little sussy. Not in NYC, but still cool. This is the blog of photograher Nicole Hill Gerulat, sister to Natalie.

speaking of books

2009-02-23T17:44:00.000-08:00

I wish I'd posted about this book sooner. Once you're my age, it's nearly impossible to recall many details from a book you read an entire TWO WEEKS ago.

I wish I'd bumped this book up to the top of my list last year when I first heard about it. Then I could have rooted for it to win the Newberry and felt all gratified when it did.

The Graveyard Book has a very unique setting and characters, which is admirable in this day and age when it seems everything has been done to death. It is loosely based on The Jungle Book by Rudyard Kipling, but the setting is a graveyard instead of a jungle. There is an attempt at a plot, but it fades in the middle to a series of episodes. Some of the episodes were merely ok, but others were stunningly original and utterly delightful. I think the Dance Macabre chapter could have won its own Newberry. I would have liked a little more fleshing out of some of the ghosts' characters. They were too faintly drawn--mere outlines, really, with little substance. Ethereal. Get it? Oh, I kill me. One of the most appealing things to me about Gaiman's writing is what he leaves unsaid. He creates all kinds of mystery and interest by keeping things pared down. However, I think in this case that strength sometimes became a liability.

The sly humor in this book was immensely satisfying, just as in Coraline. Now, did I like it better than Coraline? Hmm. That's tough. I do not think I liked it better, but likely just as much. I think Gaiman took more risks in The Graveyard Book, and though they didn't always work for me (there were some plot points that didn't hold together), I give him kudos for the attempt.

chatting with the book babes

2009-02-21T05:42:00.000-08:00

Thursday I finally did something I've always wanted to do, but could never quite get up the courage. I called in to my favorite radio show, MPR's Midmorning with Kerri Miller. The guests were the "Book Babes" who've just written a book with lists of recommended reading for women. I called in with a favorite book recommendation. I was very nervous and I'm sure it came through in my voice. So far I have not been tempted to listen to the podcast. [Edit: So I did listen. I'm at about 41:50 in the podcast if you care to hear. I do not live in St. Paul and didn't say that I did, so not sure what happened there.] Can you guess which book I recommended on this list?

I told my family about it at dinner that night, and Marcus said earnestly, "So Mom, did you get your fifteen minutes of fame?"

"I guess I did!" I replied. "But more like fifteen seconds."

poverty and worldview

2009-02-19T08:16:00.000-08:00

I wasn't thinking much about poverty when I started this discussion, and yet it keeps coming up in comments. So now I'm thinking about it.

K. said, "We both came from families that didn't have much as far as worldly posessions, yet I didn't realize we were poor until years later. But that never held us back from becoming successful, intelligent, caring individuals. So it is a little difficult for us to understand why others let things like poverty hold them back." K., I really liked your comment and I think you are right that our worldviews have a lot to do with our upbringing. And not just from our parents, but from the strength of generations of resilient ancestors to boot. Maybe I should clarify that when I said I have a problem with an attitude of victimization, I really wasn't thinking of poor people and why they can't pull themselves out of poverty. I've noticed a feeling of victimhood in people from all walks of life, and even in people who had a very good upbringing. Within the same family, there are people who feel like victims and people who don't.

I don't know much about the causes of poverty. I haven't experienced poverty or even read much about it. I do have this experience, though, for what it's worth: Long, long ago, when I was in my early twenties, J and I were assigned to work with an impoverished family. We were to help them set goals and achieve them. I was so excited about this project, especially after getting to know this couple a little better. They were college educated, loving, faithful, hopeful, optimistic, and VERY hardworking. "This will be a cinch," thought I.

However, I quickly discovered that it would not be anything close to a cinch. In spite of working long hours, having every intention of paying their bills on time, believing they were doing everything they could to live frugally, this couple always lived on the edge of financial disaster. And sometimes not on the edge--sometimes smack in the middle of disaster. Talking with them, you would never think them capable of making outrageously bad financial decisions. And yet they did all the time. It seemed to me their unfailingly optimism actually worked against them in this regard, enabling them to leap headlong into extreme risks that a more pessimistic sort never would have considered. They were exemplary parents in many ways. They truly wanted the best for their children. And yet, they could never get it that showering their kids with stuff, especially stuff they couldn't pay for, is NOT the best.

I found this very depressing. I saw that we were not able to help them, and at the time I thought it was because we were nearly ten years younger. I thought they probably didn't like taking advice from a young couple. Maybe that was true. But honestly, when I look back, I wonder if anyone would have been able to help.

azar nafisi on midmorning and (separately) contagious foulness

2009-02-18T09:20:00.000-08:00

I wasn't able to listen to the entire program because I had to take Georgie's cello in for repair. I hope it's on podcast soon so I can hear the few minutes I missed.

I loved her memoir Reading Lolita in Tehran: A Memoir in Books. I have given up recommending it, however, because no one I've recommended it to has liked it much. I was delighted to hear that Kerri Miller, one of my favorite journalists, seems to like the book as much as I do. The program was primarily about Nafisi's new book, Things I've Been Silent About. But Kerri kept sneaking in questions about Lolita. I felt like saying a big AMEN to just about everything Nafisi said this morning. About the beauty and power of literature, the shocking cultural decline in our country, the importance of passion and imagination to the American culture, and something about not living a life of victimhood no matter what happens to you, though I think I missed part of that discussion. I think I would have liked listening to the interview even if I hadn't read any of her books because it totally comes through what a passionate, intelligent, strong woman she is.

Listening to that lively interview almost made me forget about a weird incident at Cub Foods this morning. I had been waiting in line at the check out for a few minutes. I saw that another lane was being opened. Out of the corner of my eye I noticed that some lady who'd just arrived to the check out area saw that the lane was opening, so she stopped and waited there. The check out lady came out, looked at my line, and pointedly said, "I can help whoever is in line next." I waited for the lady in front of me to go first, and then I followed her into the newly-opened lane. The lady (remember: just barely got to the check out) who'd stopped to wait a couple yards back came up behind me and said very bitterly, "FINE! You just go ahead," whipped her cart around and took off to find another lane. Shocked, (this is highly unusual behavior in a state known for its "Minnesota nice") I turned around and stared at her offended back. That's when I noticed she had a toddler in the cart. He wasn't crying or anything, just sitting there lumpily with a vacant expression in his eyes. And here's what I thought: "I am so glad I didn't notice before that she had a little child with her, because I totally would have let her go first. And now I see how undeserving she was." Wasn't that foul? It just shows how smallness of spirit can be catching like a nasty virus.

more worldview

2009-02-17T07:37:00.001-08:00

I really like this discussion. I learn so much from our blog chat. My concept of heaven is to be able to talk about anything I want with anyone I want. And to have people just be totally honest and open. Sometimes I feel like our discussions here approach my heaven.

Now that I've written that corny thing everyone will turn from their screens in disgust and read no further. I guess that's the risk I take. Trust me, I don't get sappy again in this post. (Hmm, risk and trust--topics for another post...)

I should probably clarify a statement in the previous post. I said, "An attitude of victimization is one of the few things that makes my skin crawl." What I meant here is that the thought of having that type of worldview MYSELF makes my skin crawl. NOT that people who live like victims make my skin crawl. That would be a rather coarse lack of compassion, wouldn't it? I mean, I'm not going to say I am completely judgement-free. I do make hasty judgements sometimes, but I also feel empathy and have a sincere desire to help. I want to understand different worldviews better, and that's why I'm thinking about it and talking about it in the first place. I would like to help people to feel more empowered and optimistic, so I'd like to know why they are not that way.

A quick summary of comments answering that question in a previous post:

1. It's a mix of nature and nurture.

2. Poverty is possibly influenced by worldview, but there are many other factors.

3. It's a choice, at least to some extent.

4. It's sometimes not a choice if you have depression, and we shouldn't judge.

5. There are situations where even the most optimistic people could lose hope.

A friend commented in a private email something that occurred to me, too, and included, in part, the following:

6. According to our theology (Church of Jesus Christ of LDS), people lived pre-mortal lives where they were free to make choices and develop talents, which may explain some predispositions we appear to be born with. We believe "the light of Christ" is given to all people at their birth. The light of Christ helps people to recognize truth, and have faith and hope. My friend wonders if that ability to pick yourself up and dust yourself off, the belief that something great awaits you right around the corner, "is the light of Christ able to manifest itself stronger in those individuals, perhaps in direct proportion to their pre-mortal obedience."

I do believe that people can choose to become more optimistic. Maybe that sounds obvious or simplistic. I think there are many days and many situations where I could go either way. I can choose despair or hope. That is particularly evident to me this time of year when I have Seasonal Affective Disorder. There are many days that I am overcome with negative thoughts and I have to think up a thousand and one ways to distract myself. It takes a great deal of effort to keep myself from getting into a negative rut. I feel unreasonable urges to strike out at family and friends. I feel apathy. There are many days that I feel exhaustion, both physical and mental. I feel sad for no reason. I take no joy in the things that usually bring me joy. I can't focus. I forget things easily.

However, I see no reason to let SAD define me. That would be admitting defeat. I choose to be productive, loving, joyful, and optimistic during winter months. It is much, much harder than in the summer, and I'm nowhere near as effective at anything I try to do at this time, but I don't just give up. This too shall pass.

My life would be so much better and I would be so much happier if I didn't have SAD, right? I don't know. Maybe not. I've found that when I have to work very hard to be happy, I value it more. When suddenly I can not possibly eat food the food I've always loved, I've discovered new recipes I never would have found otherwise. I have found new interests when I am looking for distraction. [Bleep!], I've traveled the globe in the library and online. I am more aware of my thought patterns and feelings than I would be without SAD, and I feel more power to change them for good. Practice makes perfect. I feel more empathy for people who struggle with depression because I do, too. And when spring finally rolls around, I feel like Sally in the deli scene of "When Harry Met Sally."

worldview

2009-02-16T11:28:00.000-08:00

This is something that I can not stop thinking about. I should have posted about it a while ago because that always helps me organize and sort my thoughts. I only have a few minutes to write this because I have to spend some time with my kiddos on their day off, so excuse bad wording or lack of clarity. I'm just spitting this out so I can stop thinking about it quite so much and also get some feedback.

A few posts back I put up the following quote by Laura Rowley, author of Money and Happiness:

So here's what I've been thinking about: Where do people get the pick-yourself-up-dust-yourself-off worldview? Jorge is that way. I'm that way. I could never see myself, for example, wallowing in self-pity for more than a few minutes. It just seems such a waste. I would rather be hated than pitied. Even though I am fairly fatalistic, I can't imagine having an attitude of resignation or despair about the bad things that happen to me or others. An attitude of victimization is one of the few things that makes my skin crawl. I may not be in control of my own outward success, but I am fully in control of my happiness. In other words, if my dreams were thwarted, rather than giving up or raging against God, I would think it's time for new dreams.

Watching Slumdog Millionaire made me think a lot about this. I think many would say that a hopeful and optimistic outlook on life is learned, but I see that it can vary within the same family. So is it just something people are born with? Something we choose? What thinkest thou?

a bad plan is better than no plan

2009-02-13T06:11:00.000-08:00

Really? I don't think that's what Abraham Lincoln would say.

I have yet to hear of anyone, save the politicians, who thinks this stimulus plan is a good idea. (And that's only because it makes them look decisive.) Liberals, conservatives, you name it, we all appear to have the same reaction: Huh?

Harvard economist Robert Barro in an Atlantic interview:

This is probably the worst bill that has been put forward since the 1930s. I don't know what to say. I mean it's wasting a tremendous amount of money. It has some simplistic theory that I don't think will work, so I don't think the expenditure stuff is going to have the intended effect. I don't think it will expand the economy. And the tax cutting isn't really geared toward incentives. It's not really geared to lowering tax rates; it's more along the lines of throwing money at people. On both sides I think it's garbage.

midwinter chop

2009-02-12T10:19:00.000-08:00

HOW LONG have I been trying to grow out these bangs? Forever. And now look at what the February blues gone and made me do.

the ultimate centrist

2009-02-12T08:31:00.000-08:00

Happy 200th birthday, Honest Abe!

slumdog

2009-02-07T06:11:00.000-08:00

We finally went to see it last night. We walked into the theater about 10 minutes before it started and were surprised to see it packed. Then I remembered that Oscar nominations just came out this week, so droves of people who'd never even heard of the film before its ten nominations had come out to see what was all the fuss.

This film received a controversial R rating from the MPAA. Many people feel this was unfair and saw the film as solidly PG-13. One reviewer claimed that this is just the kind of joyful, inspiring film children should be watching, rather than the crude fare they generally ingest at a PG-13 level.

I loved the film and I am so glad we decided to see it. We choose our media very carefully for ourselves as well as for our children. The vast majority of PG-13 movies would never make it into our home on DVD. While I loved this film and thought it was one of the most well-done and inspiring I've seen in a long time, it's not something I'd want my children to see, not even Georgie who is very mature and has been watching Hotel Rwanda at school. This movie is NOT for everyone. While there is no sex, very little bad language, and the violent scenes are not explicit, it's not what you see in this movie that is so disturbing. It's what you don't. There is one scene that I felt the blood drain from my face, and the people around me gasped and covered their faces with both hands. J and I sat through much of the film feeling like someone was squeezing our hearts. The depiction of poverty is staggering. The scenes in and of themselves are not explicit--rather, it's what you know is happening that is not shown. And not only that, it's what you know is happening every day in India and other places in the world. It's real.

If you do not believe in the triumph of the human spirit, then I would not watch this film. If you are cynical about feel-good movies or believe that people are victims of their circumstances, than this might not be the one for you. Because what you will take away from it is not the inspiring message of hope, but the awful images of despair.

However, I agree with the author of the book the film is based on, who says the following about the film (in yesterday's WSJ): "It doesn't show slums as centers of despair and hopelessness. It shows slums as teeming with vibrancy. Also, the main character overcomes that background. This is a film about hope and survival."

When asked why the characters never whine about the terrible things that happen to them, he says: "That's the spirit of India. People move on with their lives. [...] People are forced to live their lives there because of their temporary circumstances. But that is how they see it, as temporary. Constantly they are trying to get out of the slums. Nobody sits and moans and groans."

I don't know much about how movies are made, but my guess is the film owes its incredible vibrancy to the editing. The music is great, too. The actors gave riveting performances. Dev Patel as the main character is absolutely good for every one of his many close-ups and I feel like I could see another entire movie of just him.

Has anyone else seen it? What did you think? Did you find it inspiring? (No spoilers please!)

the mighty anne

2009-02-06T09:43:00.000-08:00

Auntie just reminded me that we are descendants of Anne Hutchinson, a Puritan dissident and promoter of women's rights. When Anne was 46 and advanced in her fifteenth pregnancy, she had to stand for several day before a board of male interrogators who charged her with violating the fifth commandment. They said she was dishonoring "thy father and mother" by encouraging dissent amongst the "fathers of the commonwealth." One minister said about her, “You have stepped out of your place, you have rather been a husband than a wife, a preacher than a hearer, and a magistrate than a subject.”

Go, Anne!

I bet Marcus and the girls too will enjoy learning about her.

the feminist

2009-02-05T06:36:00.001-08:00

I can't believe it's been five days since I last posted. And I can't point to any one reason. I've still got all my fingers and even if I didn't, I could always type with my toes.

As part of our on-going history study, I've talked with the kids about how throughout history, there have been laws unfavorable to women, even in our own country. We've had some good discussions about it. One of my children has been more disturbed to learn about this than the others: Marcus. Several times now, he has brought it up at random moments. A few days ago he suddenly looked up from his homework and said, "When I grow up I'm going to get rid of all the laws that are bad for women."

by georgie

2009-01-31T06:11:00.000-08:00

it's friday...

2009-01-30T05:21:00.000-08:00

This is guaranteed to make your Friday better.

more values

2009-01-28T08:38:00.000-08:00

I think Dina made a good point in her comment on the previous post that you can't always make judgements on what people value based on your outsider's view of their lives. "For man looketh on the outward appearance but the Lord looketh on the heart."

Though I said this yesterday in a comment, I want to reiterate that I do not negatively judge people who own large homes, new cars, and clothing from fancy stores. I know wealthy people who own nice things and they also use their wealth and time to serve others. They seem very happy and I'm happy for them. What I would judge as not effective in achieving happiness would be racking up debt or working long hours at a job you don't like to pay for such things. I reject the idea that the pursuit of these things makes us happy. I worry that sometimes I am like the rich young man who wouldn't give up his wealth for something far sweeter: the opportunity to learn at the feet of the Savior.

Sunday our Relief Society lesson was on simplicity, specifically the General Conference address by L. Tom Perry on that topic. I was really excited about this topic as I've been on a simplicity kick since the beginning of this month. It turned out that many other women in our class were excited about it too. They had so much to say the teacher could hardly get a word in edgewise. I'm adopting a simple way of applying simplicity to my life. I'm making room for the things I really care about by eliminating from my busy life the things I don't. Doesn't that sound simple? It is, but there is nothing easy about it.

Confronting spending habits is scary and hard. It gives me anxiety. However, I need to summon the courage to do this if I'm going to become more efficient and more passionate about how I use my resources. I'm sad to say that tracking my spending habits and following a budget is not something I'm in the habit of doing. Though we do pay tithing and other contributions, sometimes other opportunities come up to help people. I would love to be able to say, "Yes! I can help and here's how much." Because I don't keep track of my spending, I'm often unsure how much is available. And I overspend, too.

Reading the examples of other women in the Money and Happiness book as well as looking at my family and friends' values has helped me realize what it is I really do value. sometimes by discovering what I don't. I despise shopping, so I'm not going to do much of it to find a good deal and save money that way. Instead I will shop at places where I can consistently find low prices when I force myself to go out and shop. I value health but not enough to pay through the nose for organic or drive downtown to buy local. (I do buy local at my neighborhood grocer when it's there.) I might have my own garden some day.

I do not like large houses, mostly because I do not like spending my time cleaning them and I dislike wasted space. We have three bathrooms plus a half, and I would prefer just two. We have a separate formal dining room and I would prefer an office--preferably very small. Besides a living room on the main level we also have a family room and then a large basement rec room. Instead, I'd like one "quiet" room for reading or visiting with quiet friends and then one "loud" room for t.v. and loud friends. Our bedrooms are much bigger than necessary. I think I could easily remove 500 square feet from our living space and not feel much difference in our quality of life. Maybe even close to 1000.

P.S.--The above photo is not my house.

values

2009-01-27T07:31:00.000-08:00

"Your values come from who you are, not from the things or services you can buy. Your values are integral to your character, to your life's purpose, to the way you create your future. Your lifestyle, attitudes, choices, and habits; the way you see the world; your goals for the sort of person you want to be--all come from your core values. Defining your values empowers you to make meaningful choices and gives momentum to your actions."

~ Laura Rowley, Money and Happiness: a guide to living the good life.

It was trickier than I thought to identify my values. At the very top of the list are my relationships with my children and spouse, my faith, education, and health. Those are at the top now and they always have been. However, I see that other core values have changed throughout my life. Or maybe there were values I wanted to be core but they never really made it. (Like tidiness and organization?) There are other values I really want to incorporate because I think they will somehow enhance those top values.

Throughout my twenties I was greatly influenced by the values of the people around me and I also didn't quite get it that choosing one thing often means giving up another. I thought I could have it all--I thought I could value everything good in the world. Maybe this sounds stupid to you, but that's really what I thought. I also felt a heavy burden of "should." I thought there were certain values I was obligated to have. I should probably give an example, because I don't think I'm explaining myself well.

When we were looking for our first home, we began searching in the suburbs immediately bordering Minneapolis. Everything in our price range seemed so old and rundown. Since we had zero do-it-yourself ability or desire, we became a bit discouraged. I can't believe I'm admitting this publicly, but what bothered me the most about homes we saw was the smell. I didn't want to move into a house that smelled like other people. It's okay, you can laugh and you can even tease me.

Eventually we found out that there were other suburbs further away from the Twin Cities, where people actually lived. We were shocked to discover a new home in one of those distant suburbs that was in our price range. We went to see the house and fell in love. There was a beautiful, sun-filled kitchen with gleaming new cabinets. And it smelled so human-free.

We bought that house and it didn't bother me at all to live so far from the Cities. I loved it. This new house was in a very different ward than the ward we'd previously been attending while we lived in an apartment. (For the non-Morm readers, ward=congregation. We do not choose where we attend. We are assigned geographically.) This new ward was full of Mormon yuppies. They had big, uber-tasteful homes and new cars. Or if not, they aspired to that. They were on a certain track. They were upwardly-mobile. There was this whole pecking order based on who was the coolest and had the most money. Er, maybe that last sentence was a bit much. I shouldn't call it a "pecking order." These were very nice people. Really, they were! Much nicer than I am.

I totally absorbed these values. It seemed so obvious to me that material success--the perfect home (as large as possible), new cars, clothes from the right stores, the "right" activities for my children, the fancy vacations--was a manifestation of inner, personal success. I think both Jorge and I had these same dreams and values.

In 1999 we were called as missionaries to an inner-city branch of our Church. Our values started to change. Once we had a little distance from that peer group, we saw that the material stuff and the hope for greater material stuff in the future was not making us happy. We began to rediscover what our real values were. I started homeschooling Georgie and found immense satisfaction in that. I continued with my own education, formally and informally. I found friends who were interested in talking about books and ideas. We spun new dreams.

I've found it is one thing to recognize that materialism does not bring happiness, and another to actually live it. It takes a lot of work to get off the hedonic treadmill and stay off. This book mentions several disturbing studies that show exactly how irrationally we all act and why. We are poor recallers of our past feelings and poor predictors of our future feelings. There is something called the "hot/cold empathy gap," which means that "when people are in a 'cold,' or neutral emotional state, they often have trouble imagining how they would feel or what they would do if they were in a 'hot' state--angry, hungry, in pain, or at a Prada sample sale with 200 other women."

This post is now officially rambling, so I should probably cut it short. Here is what I think I value right now, though with less priority than those already mentioned in the first paragraph: simplicity, adventure, and variety. And maybe a cheeseburger. It's been a long time since I ate red meat.

how modern law makes us powerless

2009-01-26T10:52:00.000-08:00

It is impossible for me to say how much I agree with this opinion piece from today's WSJ. If Phillip K. Howard were giving this as a speech I would be there pumping my fist and cheering.

Here is where I would scream out, "Yes!" and "You said it, man!":

"All this law, we're told, is just the price of making sure society is in working order. But society is not working. Disorder disrupts learning all day long in many public schools -- the result in part, studies by NYU Professor Richard Arum found, of the rise of student rights. Health care is like a nervous breakdown in slow motion. Costs are out of control, yet the incentive for doctors is to order whatever tests the insurance will pay for. Taking risks is no longer the badge of courage, but reason enough to get sued. There's an epidemic of child obesity, but kids aren't allowed to take the normal risks of childhood. Broward County, Fla., has even banned running at recess."

I'm going to start a group named, "Mothers for Dangerous Playground Equipment."

"The idea of freedom as personal power got pushed aside in recent decades by a new idea of freedom -- where the focus is on the rights of whoever might disagree."

Here is another thing we are free to do: not get hurt. If we do, you can bet it's someone else's fault and we are free to make them PAY.

"The flaw, and the cure, lie in our conception of freedom. We think of freedom as political freedom. We're certainly free to live and work where we want, and to pull the lever in the ballot box. But freedom should also include the power of personal conviction and the authority to use your common sense."

"We need to abandon the idea that freedom is a legal maze, where each daily choice is like picking the right answer on a multiple-choice test. We need to set a new goal for law -- to define an open area of free choice. This requires judges and legislatures to affirmatively assert social norms of what's reasonable and what's not. 'The first requirement of a sound body of law,' Justice Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr. wrote, 'is that it should correspond with the actual feelings and demands of the community.'"

This is the kind of political action I could get into.

living the good life

2009-01-25T15:23:00.000-08:00

"In 2001, my company laid off 400 people after a merger. I loved my job, and the layoff was a huge disappointment. But I have a peculiar worldview: I am the tenth of 11 children. In most families, I would never have been born at all. As a result, I tend to think anything is possible. Growing up in that lively environment, I saw my parents overcome many challenges by staying committed to their values and taking a longer term view rather than sweating the details. My mother's classic line was: "This too shall pass"--a philosophy that carries no small amount of hope. When I experienced a setback, such as losing a scholarship competition, she would insist there was something more worthwhile waiting for me. Because of this I have spent my life trying to figure out the hidden opportunity in the crisis. (It beats weeping in public.) I looked at my layoff as a challenge to restructure my work life around my kids, and it turned out to be a wonderful gift: I published my first book about a year later. Did I mourn the loss of my job? Sure. Was the transition terrifying at times? Absolutely. Did I despair? Never. My worldview made the difference."

Thursday morning I heard part of the Midmorning show, whose guest was author Laura Rowley. I had to run some errands and missed the last half of the show but when I got home I immediately listened to the rest online. I picked Rowley's book, Money and Happiness: A Guide to Living the Good Life, Friday at the library. Though I'm only on chapter three, I felt like posting about it.

I know I've said I loathe self-help books. Maybe it's one of those things that I outwardly dislike while within my heart lurks a little implicit bias in their favor! Not too long ago I read a book in some ways similar to this one, having to do with women and finances, and it made me livid. Though I could not dispute most of the depressing statistics on women and money, I did take offense at the persistently alarmist and victimist (I don't think that's a word) tone. I hate victim novels, but this nonfiction book seemed even worse as its purported purpose was to help women. As you can tell from the above quote taken from Rowley's book, she's no victim and doesn't think anyone else should be. I have to admit I openly like this self-help book.

Laura Rowley has a bachelor's degree in journalism and a master of divinity. She has written personal finance columns for several publications and teaches a religious studies course. Isn't that cool? Rowley's take on personal finance is to align your money with your values, so you spend on what is most meaningful to you--your passions. Chapter two helps you to identify your values. Seems like I should know what my values are, wouldn't you think? It turns out I don't! I do know a few of the very top, like my children, my husband, and my faith, but after that it's really hard to prioritize what comes next. I must have competing passions. I may have to write another post about that tomorrow.

I like the real-life stories in the book of women who make money work for them to facilitate their happiness.

what?!

2009-01-24T14:30:00.000-08:00

Is it just me, or is blogger all wonky today? I put up five Pinewood Derby photos, but sometimes when I click on the post, sometimes two appear, then four. What's going on? Do all five photos appear on your screen?
[Edit: Thanks for your replies! It turns out J changed and updated our internet explorer without letting me know. Problem solved!]

our first derby!

2009-01-24T08:25:00.001-08:00

"El Escorpion." An orginal design by Marcus.

Nervous and excited before the races. The competition.

Here we go!

The glory.

harvard's project implicit

2009-01-22T18:33:00.000-08:00

Take an implicit association test, the kind used to identify unconscious bias. Wanting to believe we are free of racial bias is not the same as being free of racial bias. That is not to say we shouldn't act in every way we can to fight racial prejudice in our society and in ourselves.

I remember when I was kid I learned a new vocabulary word when I went to visit my grandparents in New Mexico. That word was "wetback," and I loved the sound of it. Whenever I saw someone who looked Mexican, I would say to my grandmother, "Look, Grammie! There goes another wetback!" like I'd just seen a roadrunner or something. I definitely did not understand it as a racial slur. In fact, when someone explained the why of "wetback," that some Mexicans swam across the river to get to the United States, it only made it seem cooler to me. After my mom heard me casually tossing off this choice little word, she said it was derogatory and I shouldn't say it. "Do you think they like to be called that?" I remember her saying. "Well, I sure would," I thought. "I wish I could swim across a river to get to another country and I wish they'd call me wetback for it."

morning thoughts

2009-01-22T04:46:00.000-08:00

As I reread yesterday's post, it seemed bitter and a bit dramatic. I hadn't realized that when I wrote it--I really wasn't feeling bitter or dramatic when I wrote it. I just meant to point out something I've noticed in our culture. My experience is that there is more denial in the U.S. about racial prejudice than in other countries. Do you think that's true? (Although now that I think more about that, it could be because people in other countries don't see racial prejudice as necessarily negative, at least to the extent that we do, and are thus more open about it.)

Yesterday I was thinking that this would all make a really good SNL skit. And maybe they've done something with it already. I don't watch SNL anymore so I wouldn't know. (It's weird how being married to someone from a different culture can change your perception of what's funny. There are some shows I could possibly enjoy on my own, like SNL and The Daily Show, but when I've watched them with J they seem so heavy-handed, crude, and aggressive. Our sense of humor in the U.S. can be quite naturalistic.) Anyway, one comedy we do watch sometimes is The Office, and Steve Carell does an excellent "prejudiced but in denial," doesn't he?

let's not pretend

2009-01-21T12:18:00.001-08:00

Yesterday much of the hype surrounding the inauguration centered on the fact that we've elected our first black president. One media commentator pointed out that the White House was built "on the backs of slaves" and that not far from where Obama was taking his oath, black people once stood in chains in the slave market.

I started to feel a little nauseous. Though slavery is indeed nauseating to contemplate, I realized that was not what was making me feel sick in this instance. It was the tone of the commentator--absolutely soaked in self-congratulation. The whole, "look at this amazing, incredible thing we've done."

"Look how far we've come. Man, we've arrived."

"We used to be a nation of ignorant, prejudiced fools, but now we've shown them! We've elected ourselves a black president."

It was remarked upon repeatedly in the media back when Obama gave his race speech that he mentioned that his white grandmother admitted to being nervous when she walked by a black man on the street. When people talked about it, it was always in a condescending tone of, "Poor, old woman. But we really can't blame her because of the times she lived in."

Because we, of course, are beyond all that. Right?

Wrong. Studies show that the vast majority of people, whatever their skin color, have the same reaction to black men on the street that Obama's grandmother did. The only difference is, we're not willing to admit it. We thicken our veneer of politically-correct attitudes and push racial prejudice deeper into the subconscious. Doesn't mean it's not there. It is there and we act on it every day.

Back a couple years ago when all the talk was about illegal immigration, (whatever happened to that topic, folks?) I fairly frequently heard or read statements that were overtly racist. However, the people making these statements would often in the same breath deny that they felt racial prejudice toward Hispanics.

That's not progress, in my opinion. If we really want to become less racist, we need to first admit there's a problem.